Another day, another political scandal averted (fingers crossed). In Maine’s senate race, Democrats had already forgiven their great white hope, Graham Platner, for his white supremacist tattoo. They chose to believe that he didn’t know of any Nazi link when he got it. They suspended their disbelief that over the next twenty years, no one told him it was problematic. They believed he made a mistake during a drunken night out with his buddies, fellow Marines, in Croatia. Boys will be boys, right?

Over the weekend it came to light that Platner’s wife caught him sending explicit text messages (sexting as it were) with several women shortly after they were married… in 2023.

I did see a reference to an “exchange of messages”, which would indicate they were in conversation, however I can’t say for sure. I wonder if they knew he was sexting with six other women (according to Platner staffers), would they have been as enthusiastic?

But that was three whole years ago, and besides, that’s between him and his wife. Who are we to judge what happens in someone else’s marriage? That was the argument made by writer and founder of The Lever, Dave Sirota when discussing the topic on The Left Hook with Wajhat Ali.

For some reason, this framing didn’t sit right with me, and that was BEFORE I learned about some of Platner’s old comments online. According to the New York Times,

In 2013, he posted that women afraid of rape should not get so drunk that they ‘wind up having sex with someone they don’t mean to,’ a remark for which he has since apologized.

Platner’s comments didn’t stop there. Up until 2020 he was still reminiscing about his glory days in the service, debating whether,

West Coast Marines were more ‘chill,’ arguing that ‘they get to bang LA chicks, whores in TJ, and hit up Vegas,’ an apparent reference to Tijuana, Mexico.

Where Mr. Sirota sees a private domestic matter I see a pattern of dehumanizing women, a lack of impulse control, an attitude of entitlement, and zero consequences for bad behavior. To be clear, there is no evidence that Platner’s behavior has continued or escalated since 2023. I can’t say the same of other politicians.

Less than six months ago Eric Swalwell, (D-CA), was forced to resign from the House of Representatives and drop his bid for governor of CA when dozens of women, including junior staffers, accused him of rape and sexual assault. Although Mr. Swalwell’s alleged behavior was potentially an open secret on Capitol Hill (several male legislators admitted that they’d heard whispers about him over the years), the story broke because women risked their jobs and reputations to unmask him.

• What I’m seeing now is the repeated failure by men to create or maintain safe working environments for women.

• I’m seeing men, specifically white men, continue to “fail up” at the expense of women’s mental and physical health.

• I’m seeing patriarchal systems of influence, control, and domination put men in powerful positions despite overwhelming evidence, in some cases even criminal and/or civil convictions, of their violence against women.

Both centrist and progressive Democrats see Mr. Platner’s latest “misstep” as one wife’s hurt feelings over her husband’s cheatin’ ways. It’s something they can downplay, even work around because Platner is their best chance to beat the incumbent, Susan Collins, (Sen-R) from Maine.

People may tell me to “look at the larger picture,” as if I don’t understand that if the Democrats flip enough seats they will have the majority in the Senate. The problem is that no candidate is perfect, purity tests always fail. However, over and over again, this one particular thing is considered redeemable, fixable, and overcomable: harmful patterns of behavior targeting women.

If, at this point, you cannot see the connection between the dehumanization of women and girls and an alleged sex-trafficking cabal enmeshed within the highest levels of government worldwide, then I see that as a pattern of willful ignorance.

Question for the comments:

Given that no one is perfect, what, if anything, would make you stop supporting a candidate for political office? Is there an issue that you will not compromise on?

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I hold nothing back about my costs and sales as an indie author two weeks post pub date. So far, I’m doing well, EXCEPT IN ONE AREA:

READER REVIEWS

This is where many authors struggle, so I’m asking for your help👇

I’ve partnered with BookFunnel to offer a limited number of COMPLIMENTARY copies of Widow in the City as an ebook or PDF. Please consider posting a review on Goodreads or your favorite retail site, (you can also post the same review to both sites — just copy and paste!).

FREE Ebook or PDF

Please disclose you received a complimentary copy of the book in your review by including the following sentence or its equivalent: “I received a complimentary copy of this book through BookFunnel and am leaving this review voluntarily.”

Reviews raise awareness and prioritize titles within dreaded algorithms. It sucks, and I hate asking, but such is life, (at least that’s what I tell my teen son when he complains about his homework).

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

With love and gratitude,

Amy ❤️

We made it! 🎉🎉🎉

Widow in the City is out in the world 🌎

If you’ve already purchased the book — thank you, from the bottom of my heart ❤️.

If you liked what you read, I’d be so grateful if you would leave a review on Amazon (especially if that’s where you bought it) and/or Goodreads.

Reviews boost the algorithm, (I know, it sucks), but it gets the book seen by more people, and that could lead to a bigger impact.

I don’t have any sales data yet, but meanwhile…

I’VE BEEN IN PROMOTION MODE 👇

(🔍 Click on bolded purple “Substack” links to find me)

1. May 1 — Substack, ,

   • World Wanderers and Sexy Widows, Book Review

2. May 4 — Substack Live with , bestselling author of On Being Human and Proof of Life: Let Go, Let Love, and Stop Looking for Permission to Live Your Life

   • Recorded clips on Instagram

3. May 8 — Substack, , Co-founder / Director

   • Excerpt “Widow in the City” (4,000 words)

4. May 11 — Substack, Beyond with

   • Duality in Grief, The Body, Brain, and Books: Eleven Questions with author Amy Gabrielle

5. May 12 — Substack Live on with and

   • TDWS: “Widow in the City” author Amy Gabrielle

MARK YOUR CALENDARS 📆

1. May 20 — Substack, Parents Who Think,

   • Parents Who Create, the Questionnaire with Amy Gabrielle

2. May 21 — Substack Live on in conversation with Brendan Spiegel

   • Open Book with Amy Gabrielle (add to calendar) 👇

     

CHECK BACK FOR DETAILS 📌

1. May/June – YouTube, Podcast (recorded 4/23),

   • “Widow in the City” author Amy Gabrielle

2. July — Zoom, Weirdo Bookclub, Jennifer Pastiloff

   • July’s Book, “Widow in the City”

3. July — Substack, (recorded 5/20),

   • Sex and Widowhood with Amy Gabrielle

Widow in the City, A Memoir of Heartbreaks and Hookups is available wherever you buy books or by using the links below:

👉 Kindle Edition

👉 Paperback

Thank you for being here! I appreciate you ❤️

With love,

Amy

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⭐️ Do not miss Jennifer Pastiloff’s two bestselling books On Being Human and Proof of Life: Let Go, Let Love, and Stop Looking for Permission to Live Your Life.

Widow in the City, A Memoir of Heartbreaks and Hookups is available now wherever you buy books and using the links below:

👉 Kindle Edition

👉 Paperback

Thank you for being here! We appreciate you ❤️

I didn’t join Instagram until September 2022. I wanted to set up an online gallery to post the boudoir photographs I had been taking of myself the first year after my husband died from cancer. Before he died I was not a photographer or a lingerie model, but that’s another story.

Shortly after I opened by account I started seeing grief coaches in my feed. I had the word “widow” in my bio, so I guess the algorithm figured I could use a virtual shoulder to cry on. Within a few days I was seeing the accounts of grief coaches who specialized in widows and that’s when my ears perked up.

Over the next 18 months, I would “invest” tens of thousands of dollars on my own personal healing, growth, manifesting, writing and publishing journeys. Most of these programs were exactly what I needed, a few were just okay, and a couple I just didn’t like. Knowing what I know now, I look back and consider myself lucky.

I’m not saying that most of the online coaching programs out there today are good, a few are okay and a small percentage suck. They could all have well thought out courses, taught by highly skilled coaches, but if what they’re selling isn’t what you’re looking for, you’re not going to have a good experience.

If you don’t want to waste your money like I did, invest your time answering a few questions BEFORE you invest your money in a coach:

1. What are your core values? Do a Google search for “a list of core values” and see what comes up. Alternately, you can download Brené Brown’s list HERE.

   1. Choose 10 values, and then whittle down those down to 2 or 3. Before you hire a coach, check to see if their values align with yours. If they are wildly off, you may want to reconsider giving them a large chunk of your money. It doesn’t mean they are “bad” coaches, it just means you may not feel like you got your money’s worth if they are teaching skills you don’t value.

2. What are your goals after going through this coaching class or program? This will vary depending on the topic, and some goals are easier to quantify than others. After taking a business class you may want to increase your company’s revenue by 10 % in the next month, and double it over the next two years.

   I’ve found it useful to have at least one short term goal where you can expect to see results over the next few months. Ask the coach if your goals are realistic, and if their curriculum covers step-by-step instructions on how to meet them. Or, is their process more intuitive?

3. Assess how you like to learn. If you Google “learning styles” you’ll get a list of the different types, but you can also just ask yourself a few questions:

   1. Are you a visual learner? Do you like a lot of slides and graphics?

   2. Are you self directed, or do you need a roadmap and a timeline to follow?

   3. Do you prefer live instruction, or do you feel a video recording is just as good?

   4. Do you like small group instruction with more individualized attention, or are you okay in a big group where instruction is more like a lecture?

   5. How often and for how long do you like meeting with a coach? Once per week? Every other week? For an hour? Ninety minutes?

4. How much time and money can you really afford? What will give you the most bang for your hard earned buck?

I generally get the most value from meeting with a coach for ninety minutes once a week within a small group. I tend to prefer longer courses, spread out over 12 or 16 weeks.

That said, one of the best experiences I’ve had was a course that met every other week, while I found little to no value in another course that met live every week.

The content itself and the group size made a huge difference in both of those courses. I absolutely love my small group writing course that meets every other week, while I didn’t like a large, lecture style manifesting course with a two hour live call every week.

I would also encourage you to think about the concept of value. I know that I often took it for granted that the value of a course was the price set by the person leading it. That works for the coach, who has the difficult task of setting their fees based on the content they are sharing, and not what the consumer is willing to pay. It’s not just the cost that sets the value, for you and the coach.

The writing and manifesting courses I took are a great example. I paid a lot more for the manifesting course, but felt I got a lot less value than from my less expensive writing course.

Looking back I can see I valued a writing course that gave me concrete techniques and prompts to actually start writing over the ephemeral nature of a manifesting course which talked about attuning to vibrations and getting downloads from the Universe.

I’ll be honest, most of these lessons were hard learned. I don’t think I could have understood so much about myself, what I value and how I learn without getting out there and enrolling in a few coaching experiences.

Still, I think I could have avoided a few missteps and saved a few thousand dollars had I asked myself some of the questions listed above. I hope you found some value in this article even though it isn’t behind a paywall.

The holidays are underfoot, and much like that two stud Lego you stepped in the dark when you got up to pee, you didn’t see it coming and it hurt like a motherfucker.

If I had a nickel for every sob story that started with, “I know [INSERT TRAGIC LOSS] can’t compare to losing your husband, but…,” I’d have at least tens of dollars, and that’s a fuck-load of nickels.

Does that make me a qualified grief expert?

No.

But, am I qualified to judge your loss?

Probably not.

Am I going to do it anyway?

Absolutely.

What I’m not going to do is get bogged down by details or “facts”, but let’s just say I’ve had my fair share of shitty outcomes.

So, having been asked by no one, I’ve taken it upon myself to create The Hierarchy of Grief ™1, because let’s face it, some losses really ARE worse than others.

Ranked by category from worst to less worse

Deaths

1. Spouse / Life Partner

2. Child2

3. Sibling / Best Friend

4. Parent

5. Aunt / Uncle

6. First Cousins

7. Grandparent

8. Pet — dogs and cats3

9. Favorite celebrity

10. Pet — mammal

11. Pet — bird

12. Pet — reptile

13. Pet — fish

14. Pet — amphibian

15. Pets — invertebrate

Breakups

1. Divorce (legal) – initiated by spouse

2. Dumped by life partner

3. Dumped by boyfriend / girlfriend

4. Divorce – initiated by you

5. You dumped your life partner

6. You dumped boyfriend / girlfriend

7. Friendship loss

8. Favorite band splits up

Losses

1. Health – terminal

2. Health – chronic

3. Health – curable

4. Home

5. Job

6. Retirement fund

7. Passwords

8. Phone

9. Wallet

10. Keys

11. Sentimental object

12. That important thing you put in a special place to keep it safe but now you can’t remember where.

My book launches May 5th. I should be excited. Instead, I feel like a fraud.

Widow in the City is a memoir about reclaiming desire after devastating loss. About dating apps and questionable decisions and finding myself again. I wrote it from a braver place than I’m standing in right now.

Here’s what I didn’t understand about grief when I was living the book: I felt better early on because I had hope. Not the vague, inspirational-poster kind of hope. A specific hope—that I would re-partner, resume my life along the same trajectory, pick up something close to what I’d lost. The dating, the hookups, the reclaiming of myself, all of it was fueled by that belief. That this was a detour, not a destination.

It will be five years in August since Steven died. I know now that I’m not resuming anything. Life isn’t going back to its old shape. It’s becoming something else, something I can’t fully see yet. That’s not bad, exactly. But it’s scary in a way the early grief wasn’t.

People think of grief as linear. They imagine it as distance—that the farther you get from the loss, the better you feel. My experience has been the opposite. I felt almost hopeful in the beginning, untethered but alive, lit up by possibility. Now the possibility has narrowed into something quieter and I understand, maybe for the first time, that this is just my life.

Someone left a Goodreads review saying my book is “another exercise to garner attention.” And here’s the thing, she’s not entirely wrong. My husband died and all of a sudden I had zero attention. I lost the one person who witnessed my life, who knew I was in the room. Of course I reached for visibility. Of course I needed to be seen.

But I’ve been sitting with something harder than that. Feeling better has always felt like a betrayal. To feel good is to move away from Steven, from what we had, from the version of my life that made sense. My book is, in some ways, a record of feeling better. And now, promoting it, I wonder: am I supposed to be better by now?

I’m not. I’m just further away. And that turns out to be its own kind of grief.

I wrote this book because I needed to. I’m publishing it because other women need to know they’re not alone in the mess of it—the desire and the guilt and the shrinking and the reaching. If you’ve ever felt like two completely different people at the same time, this book is for you.

Even if the person who wrote it is still figuring it out.

If you’ve been meaning to order and haven’t yet, now is the moment.

Pre-orders matter enormously for a debut memoir. They affect first-week rankings, which affect visibility, which affects whether this book finds the readers it was written for — the women (and men too!) navigating grief and desire and reinvention who need to know they are not alone.

👉 Kindle Edition

👉 Paperback

And if you’ve already ordered — thank you. From the bottom of my heart ❤️. You are the reason something is happening here.

Widow in the City: A Memoir of Heartbreaks and Hookups drops May 5, 2026.

We’re almost there. 🥰

With love,

Amy

Editor’s Note: The following reflects the author’s personal opinions and analysis based on publicly available information. Nothing herein should be construed as a statement of fact about any individual’s private circumstances. Where allegations or speculation are discussed, they are presented as such.

In case you missed it, Melania Trump gave an unexpected statement to the press last Thursday reiterating her claim that she barely knew Jeffrey Epstein and he certainly did not introduce her to her husband.

Pundits and influencers immediately took to social media with theories about an alternate FLOTUS–POTUS origin story. According to emails found in the files, not only did Melania have a close relationship with the disgraced financier (jk, convicted pedophile), but that Epstein was the one who introduced her to Donald Trump. Speculation was that corroborating evidence (in the form of taped interviews between Epstein and reporter Michael Wolff, two lying manipulators) was about to be made public.

That question, in and of itself, is benign, but the media’s tone was accusatory. The consensus was that if Melania knew Epstein first, meant she was working for him and thus no different from Ghislaine Maxwell. As I watched the FiveStack Live, a personal favorite with and , I felt an unfamiliar sense of dread. Okay, it was rage, but I’ve had time to reflect since yesterday and now I’m calm(er).

Together with guests and these four white dudes were almost giddy over Trump’s alleged response after allegedly fucking Melania for the first time on Epstein’s plane, allegedly exclaiming, “What a hot piece of ass!” (To be fair they did use the more demure “sleeping with” rather than my garish slang).

I know it seems like I’m giving them a hard time, but that’s because (as of this writing, fresh off the breaking Eric Swalwell story) these are “the good guys.” These are men who believe survivors, and I hoped they wouldn’t reduce Melania, or any other woman, to a one dimensional femme fatale, ( , another favorite Substack, Substacker and all around good man, is partial to the term “honeypot” which I find equally offensive).

My intent is not to shame these men (okay, maybe just a smidge, I’m not too proud to admit my flaws!). My greater purpose is to bring awareness to the internalized misogyny inherent in both men and women. We can’t change what we don’t acknowledge, but when I suggested in the FiveStack chat that Melania may have been trafficked under the guise of a modeling contract, (not farfetched given Epstein’s history), one woman wrote, “She should have known better.”

This is where a lot of otherwise liberal people lose the plot as sex work (the preferred term) is so often conflated with sex trafficking–the sticking point always being around the definition of the word consent.

Most can agree that children cannot consent to sex, but there isn’t a consensus as to what age adulthood begins. Laws vary from state to state, but there is also a willful ignorance when it comes to teenagers, especially girls–if they look like adults and act like adults, then it shouldn’t be a crime to fuc…sleep with them.

There is no better illustration of this lapse in critical thinking than in the Epstein files themselves, where Florida state and local law enforcement refer to abuse victims during the early aughts as “child prostitutes.” For the record, sex work involves adults engaging in consensual sex (all parties must be conscious), while anything involving children and non-consenting adults is sexual assault and/or sex trafficking.

I am not a Melania fan, but I don’t see her as a villain either. Throughout most of history, the only currency available to women was their sexuality. As women gained more rights and access to alternate means of financial freedom, the backlash gained momentum.

Today, a growing number of states have enacted truly draconian anti-abortion legislation, resulting in criminal prosecution for miscarriages. Additionally, pregnant women have died because access to basic medical care has been criminalized. Evangelical Christians have gone mainstream, openly calling to end women’s right to vote.

In light of the rollback in women’s autonomy, I ask:

Donald Trump has been accused of sexually assaulting children, he’s a thirty-four count felon and an adjudicated rapist who was recorded on a hot mic saying he likes to ‘grab ‘em [meaning women] by the pussy.’ Does this sound like a man who thinks of women as human beings? Does this sound like a husband who thinks of his wife as an equal partner?

Melania has lived in the United States for over thirty years, but that doesn’t mean she has any freedom. Her path to citizenship (along with her parents) through “genius” visas is openly mocked as if she had any say in the matter. Do we think Trump acted out of the goodness of his heart, or were there strings attached? That’s a rhetorical question.

Back at the podium, in my opinion, it’s unlikely that Melania crafted her own statement about Epstein, let alone had the authority to speak publicly without permission. Her thick Slovenian accent and broken English (for which she is ridiculed–not by me) speaks to isolation and control. Why does the First Lady of the United States, with access to the best voice and language coaches, speak like she just arrived in the country?

I am surprised that other women, whether victims of domestic abuse or not, have never voiced the opinion that perhaps her struggle to communicate in English is deliberate, weaponized to repeatedly humiliate her in public. The argument that her English is anything less than fluent because she speaks several languages, is ridiculous.

Additional revelations in the Epstein files, if viewed through the lens of abuse, could paint Melania as a victim/survivor. The scout who reportedly “discovered” her, who she claims introduced her to Trump, is, according to public reporting, linked to an international network of modeling agencies whose real business was sex trafficking.

This man, whose name can be easily Googled by the curious, reportedly currently holds a senior position in the White House, and was recently accused of allegedly settling a custody battle by having ICE deport the mother of his child. Which begs the question:

As a feminist dedicated to dismantling our culture’s (most culture’s) demonization and criminalization of women’s bodies and sexuality, I know awareness must come first. Women are painted as Madonnas or whores, virgins or sluts, when in reality, we are all a little bit of both.

I know those words are charged, and many people reading them will feel angry and offended. Before you dismiss me entirely, I’m asking you to pause and sit with those uncomfortable feelings. Where are they coming from? Often, I’d argue, from the same place the problem does: a deep, largely unexamined indoctrination that separates men from their feelings and women from their bodies.

I have reclaimed those words for myself, just as I have reclaimed my own sexuality and humanity from a world that treats women and children as pawns–objects to be used and abused as a means to an end, the ultimate prize being money and the power it buys.

The narrative of a beautiful woman being the cause of men’s bad behavior is so pervasive that it’s not even questioned by those who “should know better.” That is the story being told about Melania Trump right now. And it is worth asking whether we are telling it because the evidence demands it, or because it’s simply the story we already know how to tell.

At a time when humans are bombarded with a dizzying amount of information, it’s crucial that we ask questions, examine evidence, and employ critical thinking skills. We must become fluent in nuance and see beyond patriarchal conditioning which paints women as either saints or sinners.

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When I made the difficult decision to part ways with my publicist in the final stretch before my May 5th launch, I won’t pretend I wasn’t scared. We weren’t aligned in our communication, and I knew staying in a relationship that wasn’t working wasn’t going to serve this book — or me. But walking away meant navigating the launch largely on my own.

📚 The reviews came in strong.

• Kirkus Reviews called Widow in the City “engaging, personal, and sometimes-disturbing recollections of passion and grief.”

• BookLife Reviews named it an Editor’s Pick, writing: “In her raw, witty debut, Gabrielle details her rediscovery of desire, identity, and self-love after devastating loss.”

• LA Book Review said: “If you’re looking for a book that treats grief, sex, and midlife womanhood with bravery and a good dose of dark humor, grab this one.”

🎓 NYU highlighted me.

In January, NYU Alumni featured Widow in the City in their official “New Year, New Releases” roundup — alongside Mark Ronson, Emmy-nominated television, and Grammy-nominated music. I’m an NYU Steinhardt alum and seeing my book in that company genuinely made me tear up.

And today, Washington Square News — NYU’s independent student newspaper, est. 1973 — published my “Beyond NYU” profile: Rewriting Life After Loss. I’m still pinching myself.

📈 The algorithms noticed.

Before the book has even launched — before a single paid ad has run — Widow in the City showed up on:

• #10 Hot New Releases in Dating on Amazon Canada

• #19 Hot New Releases in Dating on Amazon US (and climbing)

• #36 of 475 in Women’s Biography Coming Soon on Barnes & Noble

These rankings are driven by pre-orders and early reader activity. Which means you did this.

⭐ Early readers are loving it.

On the Goodreads Edelweiss ARCs shelf — where advance readers rate books before publication — Widow in the City is sitting at a 4.11 out of 5 stars. On a shelf that includes Ann Patchett, Douglas Stuart, and Matt Haig.

I am still processing that sentence.

If you’ve been meaning to order and haven’t yet, now is the moment.

Pre-orders matter enormously for a debut memoir. They affect first-week rankings, which affect visibility, which affects whether this book finds the readers it was written for — the women (and men too!) navigating grief and desire and reinvention who need to know they are not alone.

👉 Kindle Edition

👉 Paperback

And if you’ve already ordered — thank you. From the bottom of my heart ❤️. You are the reason something is happening here.

Widow in the City: A Memoir of Heartbreaks and Hookups drops May 5, 2026.

We’re almost there. 🥰

With love,

Amy

In death, Jeffrey Edward Epstein still has the ability to suck those around him into a big black hole. I resisted his siren song for months, but acquiesced when the United States Department of Justice released an additional 3.5 million documents on January 30, 2026.

When posted, this latest “dump” hadn’t been batched, meaning that millions of files had to be individually opened and saved. Not only was this time consuming and tedious, but Redditors soon realized that the DOJ hadn’t added links to hundreds of documents. The information had been posted, but accessing entire datasets would be necessary by batching them together and then downloading.

Coders around the world immediately banded together in a subReddit to solve the problem, but word quickly spread that many of the files, (including photos and videos), on the DOJ website hadn’t been properly redacted to protect survivors. Since no one wanted to get caught downloading CSAM (Child Sexual Abuse Material), links to the actual documents were not initially available.

In response to the outcry from victims and their families, the DOJ began clawing back files, but many were never reposted with redactions. No one wanted to compromise survivors, but a government coverup was already suspected, so there was an urgency to save whatever was still available.

By the following day, magnet links (secure, time-limited URLs that allow authenticated access to documentation) for the Epstein files database metadata were posted in the subReddit. Magnet links are pasted into file-sharing software (called a torrent client) which will download the documents as compressed files; the torrent client I used was qBittorrent, which is open source and safe.

Full disclosure: I am not a coder, and I learned all of the above so I could get earlier access to batched files. Magnet links compress each dataset as the files appear in the database at the time. The earlier you use the link to download the files, the more files you download before the DOJ deletes, or further redacts, them.

At first I was motivated by the challenge of the process (bulk downloading the new datasets), not the product (reading the files), but once I had a peek, there was no going back. I am just beginning to recover from the overwhelm, the sleepless nights and looking for clues, but here’s what I’ve learned so far.

The blame for this thirty year tragedy (thirty fucking years!) lies not with one man, or a group of men, but with society at large. The system is rigged, created by the rich to benefit the rich. It always has, and it always will unless ALL white people are willing to acknowledge and amend both explicit and implicit racism.

Growing up within a culture that benefits white skin, racism is unavoidable for those who are white. It’s America’s story, and it needs to be told. Racism keeps Black and white people poor. Throughout the country’s history racism has prevented the implementation of social service programs; all but the elite MAGA consistently vote against their own best interests.

Americans can have universal healthcare and childcare, access to clean water and unprocessed foods, jobs with good salaries and paid time off and affordable housing. No one has to be homeless or go without mental healthcare. No one has to lose their teeth due to lack of affordable dental care.

Don’t believe the lie that there isn’t enough money and resources for all. Racism shapes policy because there are white people who would rather go without than share with non-whites. Racism created the mega millionaire and billionaire class by deregulating industry. That money was meant to be divided amongst all of us but we’ve been told a story that some people are smarter and more deserving than others.

There’s no reason for children to be abused or neglected. We can pour money into programs and resources that benefit all children from birth. Healthier and safer parents have healthier and safer children, but we can also pay teachers and other school providers like hedge fund managers.

We don’t do any of these things because making money and buying stuff is our country’s priority. It’s the system that’s already in place and kept the same by lawmakers who are bought and paid for by the rich. I’m talking about both parties, although the current administration is particularly ruthless. Politicians work for us in theory, but they are beholden to the pursestrings.

When everyone and everything is for sale, billionaires win every time. I’ve yet to see any demote themselves to mere millionaires through giving. That leaves some without homes and food and childcare. Inequity and inequality create vulnerability and danger for adults and children. We live and fall between chasms, not cracks–it’s so easy to lose our footing.

Let me be clear that all this is a choice. There is enough for all but we allocate it to a few and the rest goes to war. That’s not the society I want. As a white person, I am committed to unlearning my explicit and implicit racism. I work at it everyday in small ways and large. It’s uncomfortable, and at times painful and shaming.

I have made mistakes, and I will again. This process is worth it. It provides a vision for what is possible. It drives me to action because I know this isn’t “just the way it is.” I have more because others have less so I give. It brings me joy, and it keeps my husband’s generous spirit alive, and it’s the right thing to do. We are all connected, and the scales require balancing. Now more than ever.

More to come soon…

A personal update:

I know I don’t have to apologize for being MIA the last few weeks, but I’m going to do it anyway. I’m sorry I haven’t been around. TBH, I’ve been feeling pretty crappy the last few months.

I’m pretty sure my clinical depression is back (I was diagnosed in my 20s), but I’ve been putting off dealing with it. In my case, “dealing with it” means changing up my meds, which isn’t a great process. Sure, there’s a potential to find something new that makes me feel better, but my depressed brain is not convinced.

On the plus side, I have never been suicidal. On the minus side I don’t feel motivated to do much of anything. I focus my limited energy on my son, ordering groceries and doing laundry to keep him fed and clothed. I’ve had to push myself to look at high schools for next year and comfort him through oral surgeries, braces and the latest bug going around school.

I don’t have much left for me, but if you ran into me on the street you wouldn’t know anything was amiss. I’m a “functioning” depressive, so it never looks like my life is falling apart. I’m not in bed sleeping all day, in fact sleep has been illusive.

I often lose myself down rabbit holes like the Epstein files or this past summer’s genealogy deep dive. I feel lucky to have gotten an article from my latest meanderings, even if it was from a disgusting bunch of pedos.

Strange that I feel the need to reassure you that I will be “okay”, even if I’m really just trying to convince myself. I do think I will be okay, but since Steven died I’m always hyper-vigilant, waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me.

I’ve done a shit ton of grief classes, therapy sessions, EMDR, anti-depressants under the care of a psychiatrist, physical therapy and pilates, so I don’t need advice. I’m just keeping it real for all of us, especially for me. I love my son and I love myself, but I think maybe there’s more for me in this life. I just have no idea what it is or how to get there.

I love and appreciate you all so much, I really do. If I could think my way out of this heaviness I would because I have so many reasons to be grateful. Thank you for reading.

Love,

Amy 💕

I am writing to you on behalf of my nipples—they have a message for you. They hope you are well and enjoying your billions, with a “B”! Sure, you could end world hunger and homelessness, but who wants that when you could spend twelve minutes in space with Oprah’s cosplaying best friend? Yes, that was Bezos, whatever.

You’re not still mad that they compared a photo of you at Trump’s inauguration to Beaker the Muppet? That was all in good fun, and you have to admit there is a resemblance.

I wish I could say that my nipples just want to shoot the shit, but they are ladies and don’t have time for that nonsense. Plus, they don’t like you (neither do I), so I’ll get to the point on their behalf.

Calm down man! Not physical danger. It’s much worse: losing money, power and control danger!

Now that they have your semi-undivided attention, (they know, “nipples” is a very distracting word), they need to tell you about the bipartisan bill that was just introduced to sunset section 230 of the Communications Decency Act of 1996.

Yes, they know, that was a long time ago, thirty years to be exact, but if these morons in Congress have their way, you are fucked. Not literally, like, who would look at you and think, “I want a piece of that”? Okay, maybe Elmo, but come on, they need you to focus!

Section 230 is every tech billionaire’s favorite section of the CDA, remember? It protects websites and platforms (think social media) from liability when idiots post offensive content. You and my nipples have already agreed to disagree about what is considered “offensive” (you think it’s my them and they think it’s you), but without section 230, Meta and other web hosts become liable for EVERYTHING posted on their platforms.

We already need ciphers to decode any references to s3x, I mean sex, even in the context of education. There are no universally accepted character substitutions, but generally, we use “grape” for rape, “corn” for porn, and “sw” for sex workers. Sometimes we replace the letters “a” with “@” and “s” with “$”, so asshole becomes @$$hole. For example, “Tech bros are always the @$$holes in the room.”

Looks ridiculous? Well, you better get used to it because if the aptly named Dick Durban (Sen. D-IL) has his way, (as of this writing he’s still alive), you’ll only see puppy and kitten pictures on Instagram and Facebook. Okay, that’s mostly what’s posted now anyway, but you’ll face YUUUGE fines for the ones sporting swastikas!

While traditional sunsets are beautiful, even more so now since Trump’s roll back of environmental protections allowed the release of more air pollutants, if section 230 sunsets, it won’t be pretty. Bye-bye free speech, or what’s left of it. Bye-bye lingerie and bikinis. Bye-bye to your autonomy and world domination.

This may sound crazy, but the four of us (you, me, and my nipples) need to join forces to make sure section 230 remains intact.

My nipples would also like me to remind you that your Oversight Board called for a major revamp of your haphazard and discriminatory nudity policies. You know they disproportionately target women, transgender, and non-binary users by heavily restricting FEMALE nipples while allowing men to walk around bare-chested. It’s time you heeded my nipples’ cry:

It’s time to round up your fellow tech bros and get them on board with the plan.

Oh right, the PLAN! It’s a little complicated, so pay close attention:

1. Each company contacts their finance department and requests that large sums of money be transferred to the bill’s sponsors and supporters.

2. Tell them to make sure the bill doesn’t pass. You gotta do what you gotta do, am I right?

Huh, it’s really not that complicated as after all.

Mark, what do you think? Can you and your fellow tech bros save free speech? Will you rescue democracy and become beloved national heroes? Well, no, that will never happen, but you’ll all be a little less hated. Maybe.

My nipples aren’t going to lie, it will take acts of kindness, empathy and compassion before you are allowed anywhere near heaven, but this is a good place to start your redemption tour. If you are successful, you and your cronies will still be creepy, friendless losers, but my beloved nipples will allow you to stare at them for as long as you like.

Sincerely,

Amy Gabrielle (on behalf of my nipples)

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Are you a progressive, white, American woman? Do you find yourself simultaneously raging at the current state of our country and scared out of your fucking mind that you’ll wake up one morning to be locked out of your job and bank account? Are you heartbroken that your daughters and granddaughters have less body autonomy and access to healthcare than you did as a young woman?

Yeah, me too.

Do you also advocate for sex workers’s rights? Does the insidious violence against sex workers, (especially) by the police, piss you off because sex work is criminalized and stigmatized? Do you believe that everyone should be able to come home safe at the end of the night?

No?

Let me explain, in as few words as possible (haha, it’s gonna be a lot of words, sorry-not-sorry), how your ignorance of, and/or indifference to, sex worker’s rights (and the lack thereof) has led to a second Trump presidency.

The Christian right always had a MORAL agenda that they wanted to turn into legislative policy. They knew they needed at least some white women on their side in order to win, so they started talking about “saving the children”. There is a certain subset of white women who would sell their own uteruses, and yours, to save “just one child”.

Save them from what, you ask?

Everything from sex trafficking to being “murdered”.

Sounds reasonable, until you realize what you, yes YOU, have to give up to achieve these goals. Spoiler alert: it’s your civil liberties, body autonomy and right to basic healthcare. That’s just the start. It will probably get worse before it gets better.

Did you know that the majority of children who are sex trafficked are done so by a relative, not a stranger on the Internet? I’m not saying the latter doesn’t happen, because it does, but it’s not the epidemic it’s made out to be.

But Amy, even if I can save just one child, it’s worth it, right?

The truth is, making websites liable for sex crimes that may be initiated on their platforms causes said websites to restrict any and all references to sex. It pushes traffickers off platforms and underground where they are harder to track and catch. Meanwhile, anyone discussing consensual sex between two adults, even sex educators, are censored and de-platformed.

So Amy, if the laws don’t work, shouldn’t we get rid of them?

Oh, my dear Watson, they DO work. The goal of these laws was never about saving children; they were put in place to further criminalize and stigmatize anyone who likes sex, aka intercourse, aka fucking. Especially sluts, I mean, er, women.

How did this all lead to Trump?

Trump is the Conservative right’s puppet. They are behind Project 2025, you know, the blueprint for deporting immigrants and stripping women of their reproductive rights. Before they could take their dystopian civil rights stripping manifesto mainstream, they tested it on the most disenfranchised group of people: sex workers, some of whom are also trans (bonus points?).

You see where I’m going with this?

Not only were Conservative Republicans successful in getting their entire party to vote their way, they got Democrats on board too! Who do you think went after the online “ads wanted” website Backpage for unknowingly promoting a sex trafficker, you know, the case that opened the door for restrictive first amendment legislation?

Kamala Harris! Yeah, her, when she was the Attorney General of California. And how do you think state and federal law enforcement got access to all of our once private information on the Internet? The Patriot Act of 2001 (passed just 45 days after 9/11)!

It turns out that when people are scared by either real or carefully orchestrated perceptions of danger, they will vote not only against their own interests, but against their own values.

Many of the provisions in the Patriot Act were set to expire, but were extended by the ironically named Freedom Act of 2015. Well, it did give the government more freedom to our information, so maybe not so ironic?

Anyway, once the Conservative right secured their “proof of concept” by passing the bipartisan bills SESTA-FOSTA (owning those libs!), they moved on to the second most marginalized group, the LGBTQ+ community, especially trans people.

From there it was super easy to overturn Roe v Wade, taking away women’s rights and giving them to embryos and fetuses.

Just as a little aside, the Patriot Act made way for the Department of Homeland Security and ICE (you can read its entire whitewashed origin story HERE!). Who could have predicted the agency would one day turn its ire on American citizens and law abiding immigrants? Haha, just kidding! Although, I must admit I didn’t see the cosplaying moron who doesn’t know her habeas from her corpus being named director.

Second aside: If you wondered why an innocent until proven guilty Diddy was sitting in jail for months without bail pending his trial while a convicted felon and adjudicated rapist lives in the White House on our dime, it’s because the Patriot Act weakened protections against unlawful search and seizure, and strengthened government surveillance. This led to the prosecution of thousands of RICO cases (federal crimes targeting more Black and brown people with higher penalties) rather than cases against foreign terrorists, but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence, wink wink.

I really am so fucking tired of explaining the same thing over and over again. I’m exhausted by your “if it’s not happening to me it’s not happening” way of thinking. Step outside of your lived experience for five fucking minutes. In the end, your whiteness won’t save you, it never does.

Let me end by saying, when we fail to protect those with the least power among us, we fail to protect us all. Yes, I’m talking to you progressive, white, American women who don’t advocate for sex worker’s rights, or even understand the level of violence and marginalization they face every fucking day.

Can The Past Inform The Future?

Over the past year, I’ve been looking at the timeline leading up to the Holocaust as a predictor of what might happen after Trump’s in…

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I am 58 years old and I have a 13 year old son, and this is something that I’ve been thinking about as a widow for four and a half years.

When my husband first died, I really thought that I would get remarried. I would mourn for a year and then I would meet somebody and get remarried and just get back to my what I like to say is my “regularly scheduled life”.

That hasn’t been my experience, and now I don’t think I want that anymore.

I loved being married. I loved being part of a family unit with two parents. I also had a very good husband. He did the food shopping, meal planning and cooking. I think we were as equal as two people can be within a system that benefits men.

During the pandemic, it became evident that within most households, women carry “the mental load”, like making doctor’s appointments, baking cupcakes for school bake sales, and knowing the names of their children’s teachers and friends.

It turned out, a lot of men who thought that they were equal partners, really didn’t know this whole other side that women were doing.

On top of carrying the mental load, women also do “the emotional labor” within families, managing everyone’s emotions and solving conflicts as they arise.

It’s not necessarily that men don’t want to do emotional labor, but most don’t know how. They haven’t been socialized to be in touch with their own emotions, let alone what is going on with the rest of the family.

If women are lucky, their partner will contribute half of the physical labor, but then they are carrying the mental load and the emotional labor.

That’s a lot of work assigned to women within heterosexual marriages.

I’m not saying that two people can’t work out an equal distribution of labor within their marriage, but within a system that does not have universal child care, universal health care, and parental leave, women are at a higher disadvantage.

This is just something that’s been on my mind and I’ve wanted to talk about it because nobody talked about it with me before I got married.

The bar for what qualifies as a “good husband” is pretty low if he isn’t expected to take on any of the emotional labor and mental load.

All this to say, I don’t want to remarry because I don’t want to be responsible for the emotional labor within my family again.

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I’ve been putting off writing this story, but it won’t stop rolling around in my head. Hopefully capturing it on the page will get it off my mind. Shame has kept me from telling the tale, but not for the reasons you might think.

First of all, when it happened, nobody was calling it an abortion. It was a “missed miscarriage”. I got pregnant during our second round of IVF and there was no heartbeat at our twelve week scan. This was in 2009, before Roe v Wade was overturned and some states began enacting abortion bans (as of January 8, 2025, twelve states have banned abortion: Alabama, Arkansas, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, and West Virginia).

At forty-two years old, mine was considered a higher-risk pregnancy, so we opted for CVS (Chorionic Villus Sampling), a pregnancy chromosome test performed between weeks ten through thirteen to check for genetic/chromosomal conditions, like Down syndrome. It provides definitive answers earlier than amniocentesis (performed at twenty weeks), and is done by specialists because of a slightly higher risk of miscarriage.

I had never met this doctor before, but he was the one to tell us that I needed a D&C (Dilation and Curettage), the same minor surgical procedure used during abortions, after a miscarriage, for heavy bleeding, or for diagnostic purposes like checking for abnormal cells (cancer, infection). It involves gently widening (dilating) the cervix and then using a surgical instrument (curette), often with suction, to scrape or remove uterine lining tissue.

From the specialist’s office, we went straight to my OBGYN who advised us to do the procedure the following day in her office. Off-handedly she said that she wasn’t equipped to offer anesthesia (twilight sedation), but the alternative was going to “one of those places” (an abortion clinic) where I’d have to sit with women who were choosing to end their pregnancies. I chose the former, but had I known better, I would have opted for sedation.

It still blows my mind that this happened in Manhattan, fucking New York City in 2009! This experience taught me the importance of advocating for myself and loved ones within the healthcare system. Granted, my husband and I were like deer in the headlights that day, so we understandably relied on the advice of “professionals”.

We didn’t cry that night, or mourn the loss of what might have become our child. We were both pragmatic, and viewed this as a bump in the road. It was something to get taken care of, rest, and then try again.

I knew I didn’t do anything wrong and that I hadn’t caused this to happen, but I felt ashamed that I just wanted this dead thing out of my body. I knew that a missed miscarriage could become life-threatening if the retained tissue caused severe infection (sepsis) due to delayed treatment.

Early the next morning I had a D&C in my doctor’s office without anesthesia. It was one of the most physically painful experiences of my life. The thing I remember most is feeling very cold, to the point of shaking. The operation was somewhere between sixty and ninety minutes and then I “recovered” in a recliner for another thirty minutes—next to a woman wearing a fetal monitor. There was no place for our husbands to sit, so they just stood next to us. I was crampy for a day or two, but otherwise I was fine. Three rounds of IVF later, and fully healed, I got pregnant with our son.

Why am I telling this story now? Investigative news outlets, such as ProPublica, have reported specific cases where women died after doctors delayed miscarriage care due to confusion over the legality of the treatment under state abortion bans. At least two women in Texas, Josseli Barnica and Nevaeh Crain, died after such delays. Another study published in March 2025 in the journal CHEST revealed at least three more women died between October 2022 and July 2024 as a result of denied or delayed emergency abortion care.

“Increased Sepsis and Complications: A ProPublica analysis of Texas hospital data, published in July 2025, found a 54% increase in blood transfusions during emergency room visits for first-trimester miscarriages after the state’s abortion ban took effect, suggesting women are returning to hospitals in more dire conditions after initial denial of care.

Overall Maternal Mortality Rates: Studies indicate that overall maternal mortality rates have increased in states with abortion bans since the Dobbs decision. One April 2025 report by the Gender Equity Policy Institute found mothers in states with bans were nearly twice as likely to die during pregnancy or postpartum compared to those in supportive states.”

As flawed as my experience was, my life was never in danger because of delayed or denied healthcare. I would still be able to get the care I need here in New York today, but there’s a different story being told on social media by women in other states. Specifically, white MAGA women fucked around and found out. Their pregnancies are not viable, they need abortion care, and don’t understand why they can’t get it. They are incredulous that a woman’s life, their life, is held so cheaply. They cannot believe hospitals will let them die because doctors are threatened with losing their license and jail time.

This is the plight of women as we head into 2026. We are fighting for our lives. I invite you to join us. I implore you to fight for abortion rights on demand. Once restrictions are put in place they not only remain, but they expand until there’s abortion for no one.

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October 23, 2025

Who cares about anything?

It’s 7:09 AM.

Twenty-one minutes until I have to wake up my son and get him ready for school.

I pick up my phone, laying face down on my nightstand.

The last software update turned off most of my notifications and I never turned them back on.

There’s a freedom in not knowing I have a text or an email waiting for my attention.

I get most of my news from Instagram so I open the app to see what fuckery Trump has been up to while most of America slept.

That was a mistake.

October 25, 2025

The pain and the shame have been relentless the past two days. The thought of promoting my memoir had me laying on the bathroom floor in the fetal position for an hour last night–a new record. I see what other writers are doing and how they promote themselves even when it feels hard, but I was frozen.

The thoughts won’t stop coming: I am a loser, I don’t deserve good things, my best days are behind me and it’s never going to get any better than what I had when Steven was alive. His belief in me helped me to believe in myself. It feels like my self worth and pride in my abilities died with him.

How is he gone? My brain still cannot fully process that reality. It feels like I will never be loved again; no eyes will light up when they see me after a long day’s work. How did I not see that coming? How did I ever think I would be in love again? I was so fucking naive and stupid.

I am fifty-eight years old, but in my head I think I’m still in my forties. I didn’t want to face the truth that I will grow old(er) alone. Not only did I fool others, but I fooled myself into believing that I was building a new life. It’s laughable when you take a good look and see that I have no life at all.

I alienate people who care about me, I turn my anger outward, but what I’m really feeling inside is loneliness and pain. I feel like I don’t deserve the money I have–isn’t it ill gotten gains? I need to hold on to at least some of it for Henry, it should be there for him. I just want to be a generous person like Steven. I know my selfishness was fear of not having enough.

I am tired all the time; I barely have a life outside of my apartment. No pets, no house plants, no travel, no sports. Why would anyone want to hang out with me? Seriously, what do I have to offer besides my body? I know I have a good life and I am grateful. I feel dumb for wanting more when I had everything I wanted. I had forgotten that nothing lasts forever, but now I have greatly scaled down my expectations. I see a lonely life ahead of me, but I’m both sad and grateful to let go of a dream.

November 7, 2025

So tired. I don’t see the point of life anymore. I’m sure this feeling will pass, it always does eventually.

December 8, 2025

I was right, those hard feelings did pass. No feeling lasts forever.

For anybody struggling, please hold on. Please stay.

We need you.

With love,

Amy 💕

That’s it. Stick a fork in me, I’m done.

I just can’t anymore with progressive white feminism.

It’s a movement so entrenched in patriarchy, internalized misogyny an…

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Everyone makes mistakes, right?

No big deal.

Life goes on.

Hmm, yeah, about that…

I believe that forgiveness is the gift I give myself.

It’s the best of both worlds, really.

I can be kind to myself while still plotting revenge against the person who wronged me.

Look, I wasn’t the one who fucked up and forgot to put our meeting on their calendar.

And no, I don’t accept your apology and I don’t want to reschedule.

Okay, I kind of want to reschedule.

But then I have to be nice to you and I think you deserve to be hated a little longer.

There’s just one problem…

You have no idea how I feel.

All you know is that I never responded to your email apology and offer to reschedule.

You’re busy just going about your life, not thinking about me at all.

Meanwhile, I’m really hurt that you blew me off.

Did you really blow me off?

Maybe not, but that’s what it feels like.

That’s the story I’m telling myself.

This really feels like a lose-lose situation:

1. I could respond to your email and reschedule, but how could I believe your “pep talk” after you forgot about me? OR

2. I never respond and just file you away in my memory under “J” for jerk.

Either way, I don’t get my needs met.

The familiar might not feel good, but it feels safe.

Wait, there is a third option!

I can stop outsourcing my confidence and be my own damn cheerleader 🎉

I’ll get on that tomorrow.

In the meantime I have to figure out what to do with my hair. I got bangs cut at the salon yesterday (yes, I was that unhinged) and it isn’t going well.

When will I ever learn?

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Question: Have you ever let someone live rent free in your brain? If so, how did you evict them?

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