In death, Jeffrey Edward Epstein still has the ability to suck those around him into a big black hole. I resisted his siren song for months, but acquiesced when the United States Department of Justice released an additional 3.5 million documents on January 30, 2026.
When posted, this latest “dump” hadn’t been batched, meaning that millions of files had to be individually opened and saved. Not only was this time consuming and tedious, but Redditors soon realized that the DOJ hadn’t added links to hundreds of documents. The information had been posted, but accessing entire datasets would be necessary by batching them together and then downloading.
Coders around the world immediately banded together in a subReddit to solve the problem, but word quickly spread that many of the files, (including photos and videos), on the DOJ website hadn’t been properly redacted to protect survivors. Since no one wanted to get caught downloading CSAM (Child Sexual Abuse Material), links to the actual documents were not initially available.
In response to the outcry from victims and their families, the DOJ began clawing back files, but many were never reposted with redactions. No one wanted to compromise survivors, but a government coverup was already suspected, so there was an urgency to save whatever was still available.
By the following day, magnet links (secure, time-limited URLs that allow authenticated access to documentation) for the Epstein files database metadata were posted in the subReddit. Magnet links are pasted into file-sharing software (called a torrent client) which will download the documents as compressed files; the torrent client I used was qBittorrent, which is open source and safe.
Full disclosure: I am not a coder, and I learned all of the above so I could get earlier access to batched files. Magnet links compress each dataset as the files appear in the database at the time. The earlier you use the link to download the files, the more files you download before the DOJ deletes, or further redacts, them.
At first I was motivated by the challenge of the process (bulk downloading the new datasets), not the product (reading the files), but once I had a peek, there was no going back. I am just beginning to recover from the overwhelm, the sleepless nights and looking for clues, but here’s what I’ve learned so far.
The blame for this thirty year tragedy (thirty fucking years!) lies not with one man, or a group of men, but with society at large. The system is rigged, created by the rich to benefit the rich. It always has, and it always will unless ALL white people are willing to acknowledge and amend both explicit and implicit racism.
Growing up within a culture that benefits white skin, racism is unavoidable for those who are white. It’s America’s story, and it needs to be told. Racism keeps Black and white people poor. Throughout the country’s history racism has prevented the implementation of social service programs; all but the elite MAGA consistently vote against their own best interests.
Americans can have universal healthcare and childcare, access to clean water and unprocessed foods, jobs with good salaries and paid time off and affordable housing. No one has to be homeless or go without mental healthcare. No one has to lose their teeth due to lack of affordable dental care.
Don’t believe the lie that there isn’t enough money and resources for all. Racism shapes policy because there are white people who would rather go without than share with non-whites. Racism created the mega millionaire and billionaire class by deregulating industry. That money was meant to be divided amongst all of us but we’ve been told a story that some people are smarter and more deserving than others.
There’s no reason for children to be abused or neglected. We can pour money into programs and resources that benefit all children from birth. Healthier and safer parents have healthier and safer children, but we can also pay teachers and other school providers like hedge fund managers.
We don’t do any of these things because making money and buying stuff is our country’s priority. It’s the system that’s already in place and kept the same by lawmakers who are bought and paid for by the rich. I’m talking about both parties, although the current administration is particularly ruthless. Politicians work for us in theory, but they are beholden to the pursestrings.
When everyone and everything is for sale, billionaires win every time. I’ve yet to see any demote themselves to mere millionaires through giving. That leaves some without homes and food and childcare. Inequity and inequality create vulnerability and danger for adults and children. We live and fall between chasms, not cracks–it’s so easy to lose our footing.
Let me be clear that all this is a choice. There is enough for all but we allocate it to a few and the rest goes to war. That’s not the society I want. As a white person, I am committed to unlearning my explicit and implicit racism. I work at it everyday in small ways and large. It’s uncomfortable, and at times painful and shaming.
I have made mistakes, and I will again. This process is worth it. It provides a vision for what is possible. It drives me to action because I know this isn’t “just the way it is.” I have more because others have less so I give. It brings me joy, and it keeps my husband’s generous spirit alive, and it’s the right thing to do. We are all connected, and the scales require balancing. Now more than ever.
More to come soon…
A personal update:
I know I don’t have to apologize for being MIA the last few weeks, but I’m going to do it anyway. I’m sorry I haven’t been around. TBH, I’ve been feeling pretty crappy the last few months.
I’m pretty sure my clinical depression is back (I was diagnosed in my 20s), but I’ve been putting off dealing with it. In my case, “dealing with it” means changing up my meds, which isn’t a great process. Sure, there’s a potential to find something new that makes me feel better, but my depressed brain is not convinced.
On the plus side, I have never been suicidal. On the minus side I don’t feel motivated to do much of anything. I focus my limited energy on my son, ordering groceries and doing laundry to keep him fed and clothed. I’ve had to push myself to look at high schools for next year and comfort him through oral surgeries, braces and the latest bug going around school.
I don’t have much left for me, but if you ran into me on the street you wouldn’t know anything was amiss. I’m a “functioning” depressive, so it never looks like my life is falling apart. I’m not in bed sleeping all day, in fact sleep has been illusive.
I often lose myself down rabbit holes like the Epstein files or this past summer’s genealogy deep dive. I feel lucky to have gotten an article from my latest meanderings, even if it was from a disgusting bunch of pedos.
Strange that I feel the need to reassure you that I will be “okay”, even if I’m really just trying to convince myself. I do think I will be okay, but since Steven died I’m always hyper-vigilant, waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me.
I’ve done a shit ton of grief classes, therapy sessions, EMDR, anti-depressants under the care of a psychiatrist, physical therapy and pilates, so I don’t need advice. I’m just keeping it real for all of us, especially for me. I love my son and I love myself, but I think maybe there’s more for me in this life. I just have no idea what it is or how to get there.
I love and appreciate you all so much, I really do. If I could think my way out of this heaviness I would because I have so many reasons to be grateful. Thank you for reading.
Love,
Amy 💕
