Everyone makes mistakes, right?
No big deal.
Life goes on.
To err is human, to forgive is divine.1
Hmm, yeah, about that…
I believe that forgiveness is the gift I give myself.
It’s the best of both worlds, really.
I can be kind to myself while still plotting revenge against the person who wronged me.
Look, I wasn’t the one who fucked up and forgot to put our meeting on their calendar.
And no, I don’t accept your apology and I don’t want to reschedule.
Okay, I kind of want to reschedule.
But then I have to be nice to you and I think you deserve to be hated a little longer.
There’s just one problem…
You have no idea how I feel.
All you know is that I never responded to your email apology and offer to reschedule.
You’re busy just going about your life, not thinking about me at all.
Meanwhile, I’m really hurt that you blew me off.
Did you really blow me off?
Maybe not, but that’s what it feels like.
That’s the story I’m telling myself.
This really feels like a lose-lose situation:
I could respond to your email and reschedule, but how could I believe your “pep talk” after you forgot about me? OR
I never respond and just file you away in my memory under “J” for jerk.
Either way, I don’t get my needs met.
The familiar might not feel good, but it feels safe.
Wait, there is a third option!
I can stop outsourcing my confidence and be my own damn cheerleader 🎉
I’ll get on that tomorrow.
In the meantime I have to figure out what to do with my hair. I got bangs cut at the salon yesterday (yes, I was that unhinged) and it isn’t going well.
When will I ever learn?
Question: Have you ever let someone live rent free in your brain? If so, how did you evict them?
The phrase comes from the 1711 poem An Essay on Criticism by the English poet Alexander Pope.
