I’ve been putting off writing this story, but it won’t stop rolling around in my head. Hopefully capturing it on the page will get it off my mind. Shame has kept me from telling the tale, but not for the reasons you might think.
First of all, when it happened, nobody was calling it an abortion. It was a “missed miscarriage”. I got pregnant during our second round of IVF and there was no heartbeat at our twelve week scan. This was in 2009, before Roe v Wade was overturned and some states began enacting abortion bans (as of January 8, 2025, twelve states have banned abortion: Alabama, Arkansas, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, and West Virginia).
At forty-two years old, mine was considered a higher-risk pregnancy, so we opted for CVS (Chorionic Villus Sampling), a pregnancy chromosome test performed between weeks ten through thirteen to check for genetic/chromosomal conditions, like Down syndrome. It provides definitive answers earlier than amniocentesis (performed at twenty weeks), and is done by specialists because of a slightly higher risk of miscarriage.
I had never met this doctor before, but he was the one to tell us that I needed a D&C (Dilation and Curettage), the same minor surgical procedure used during abortions, after a miscarriage, for heavy bleeding, or for diagnostic purposes like checking for abnormal cells (cancer, infection). It involves gently widening (dilating) the cervix and then using a surgical instrument (curette), often with suction, to scrape or remove uterine lining tissue.
From the specialist’s office, we went straight to my OBGYN who advised us to do the procedure the following day in her office. Off-handedly she said that she wasn’t equipped to offer anesthesia (twilight sedation), but the alternative was going to “one of those places” (an abortion clinic) where I’d have to sit with women who were choosing to end their pregnancies. I chose the former, but had I known better, I would have opted for sedation.
It still blows my mind that this happened in Manhattan, fucking New York City in 2009! This experience taught me the importance of advocating for myself and loved ones within the healthcare system. Granted, my husband and I were like deer in the headlights that day, so we understandably relied on the advice of “professionals”.
We didn’t cry that night, or mourn the loss of what might have become our child. We were both pragmatic, and viewed this as a bump in the road. It was something to get taken care of, rest, and then try again.
I knew I didn’t do anything wrong and that I hadn’t caused this to happen, but I felt ashamed that I just wanted this dead thing out of my body. I knew that a missed miscarriage could become life-threatening if the retained tissue caused severe infection (sepsis) due to delayed treatment.
Early the next morning I had a D&C in my doctor’s office without anesthesia. It was one of the most physically painful experiences of my life. The thing I remember most is feeling very cold, to the point of shaking. The operation was somewhere between sixty and ninety minutes and then I “recovered” in a recliner for another thirty minutes—next to a woman wearing a fetal monitor. There was no place for our husbands to sit, so they just stood next to us. I was crampy for a day or two, but otherwise I was fine. Three rounds of IVF later, and fully healed, I got pregnant with our son.
Why am I telling this story now? Investigative news outlets, such as ProPublica, have reported specific cases where women died after doctors delayed miscarriage care due to confusion over the legality of the treatment under state abortion bans. At least two women in Texas, Josseli Barnica and Nevaeh Crain, died after such delays. Another study published in March 2025 in the journal CHEST revealed at least three more women died between October 2022 and July 2024 as a result of denied or delayed emergency abortion care.
“Increased Sepsis and Complications: A ProPublica analysis of Texas hospital data, published in July 2025, found a 54% increase in blood transfusions during emergency room visits for first-trimester miscarriages after the state’s abortion ban took effect, suggesting women are returning to hospitals in more dire conditions after initial denial of care.
Overall Maternal Mortality Rates: Studies indicate that overall maternal mortality rates have increased in states with abortion bans since the Dobbs decision. One April 2025 report by the Gender Equity Policy Institute found mothers in states with bans were nearly twice as likely to die during pregnancy or postpartum compared to those in supportive states.”
As flawed as my experience was, my life was never in danger because of delayed or denied healthcare. I would still be able to get the care I need here in New York today, but there’s a different story being told on social media by women in other states. Specifically, white MAGA women fucked around and found out. Their pregnancies are not viable, they need abortion care, and don’t understand why they can’t get it. They are incredulous that a woman’s life, their life, is held so cheaply. They cannot believe hospitals will let them die because doctors are threatened with losing their license and jail time.
This is the plight of women as we head into 2026. We are fighting for our lives. I invite you to join us. I implore you to fight for abortion rights on demand. Once restrictions are put in place they not only remain, but they expand until there’s abortion for no one.
