I relate! Ancestry.com says I'm 100% European Jew (I probably don't look it either). I don't identity as Jewish in the religious sense but I find a lot of people conflate the religion and ethnicity and I wish they wouldn't. Thank you for this insightful piece. ❤️
Thank you Bonnie! I was beginning to wonder if it was only me. I suppose before DNA testing became so accessible it wasn’t that big of a question: religion or ethnicity. However, I never expected to be identified as Jewish in my DNA. Then I got paranoid, and looked up the founder of 23 and me to make sure they weren’t linked to neo Nazis. The founder is half Jewish half Catholic, but I still found my results unsettling.
I think it's because, as far as I know, Judaism is the only "ethno-religion." So there are a lot of assumptions that come with it. I don't really understand why it would be both.
“Ashkenaz” is one of the most disputed Biblical placenames. It appears in the Hebrew Bible as the name of one of Noah's descendants (Genesis 10:3) and as a reference to the kingdom of Ashkenaz, prophesied to be called together with Ararat and Minnai to wage war against Babylon (Jeremiah 51:27). In addition to tracing AJs to the ancient Iranian lands of Ashkenaz and uncovering the villages whose names may derive from “Ashkenaz,” the partial Iranian origin of AJs, inferred by Das et al. was further supported by the genetic similarity of AJs to Sephardic Mountain Jews and Iranian Jews as well as their similarity to Near Eastern populations and simulated “native” Turkish and Caucasus populations.
I wonder if it does? From what I've learned, many of these DNA tests were developed specifically to test for known gene mutations (causing severe birth defects) within the Ashkenazi community, like Tay Sachs. Many Jewish couples get genetic testing (specifically something called the Jewish Panel) before becoming pregnant. If both partners test positive for certain mutations there is a 100% chance the baby will be effected. If that's the case, genetic "bots" can be created to test embryos after IVF. I actually went through this with Steven because he had a neurological disorder, NF1, which we didn't want to pass down to any children we might have. We only got two embryos that were negative for NF1 and that transfer didn't work, so we moved on to donors.
I know there is a statistically high incidence of dwarfism among some Old Order Amish, but a quick check of Wiki led me to this:
“ Health among the Amish is characterized by higher incidences of particular genetic disorders, especially among the Old Order Amish. These disorders include dwarfism,[1] Angelman syndrome,[2] and various metabolic disorders, such as Tay-Sachs disease,[3] as well as an unusual distribution of blood types.[4]
And when I lived in Azerbaijan, there was a remote exclave surrounded by Armenian, Turkey, and Iran, all more or less belligerent, especially Armenian.
We were the only international organization working there and discovered a high incidence of strabismus and even cataracts among kids. Also, marriage among second cousins was common and the population of the region was small.
That would be the result of inbreeding, but much closer than second cousins. I think the laws have even been changed in the US so that first cousins can marry, although don't quote me. I think the more serious genetic mutations happen with the offspring of brothers and sisters and fathers and daughters. I know, it's awful to think about.
You are welcome Nancy 🥰. It's confusing because I think of DNA and science as right or wrong, true or false. I'm beginning to understand that even within a scientific setting, definitions and categories are created by humans and therefore not unbiased.
I love how you weave the personal with the historical here. ❤️
I still need to take a 23 & Me test, but I learned back in 2020 that my paternal grandmother was a Russian Jew. I just figured out today how to incorporate her silence into my memoir!
I'm curious to see what my DNA says about where my ancestors came from. I only know that they escaped an internment camp in the early 1900s and landed in Maryland.
I have never been told I look Jewish, but have been told I look Hispanic, Italian, French. I always get fascinated by that.
I wonder if your Grandmother was Ashkenazi or Sephardic, and if the latter, is that reported on a DNA test? Ashkenaz was a man and a place (modern day Iran) in the Bible (Old Testament), but does that make people who are genetically related from that place Ashkenazi (Jewish)? Many of these DNA tests were designed to test for specific diseases seen only in the Ashkenazi Jewish community, like Tay Sachs. I think identity is just more complicated since the advent of DNA testing on demand. Ironic because these tests were also meant to give clarity about our geographic origins.
Amy!!! This is the most I have learned ALL week and I am eyebrows deep in grad school homework. Thank you so much for breaking down your own personal feelings, mixed with history- like Mesa says. <3
23 & Me tells me that I am Ashkenazi Jew (around 25% I think) and I really have not known what that has meant or the land being Iranian. Thank you, AGAIN, for sharing such tender information and making me feel better seen and understood.
I love you too K! Ashkenaz is mentioned in the Old Testament, but most Ashkenazi Jews can trace their heritage back to Eastern Europe. Sephardic Jews trace back to the Iberian Peninsula (Spain and Portugal), the Middle East, and Africa (Ethiopia).
Thanks, Amy. I've always felt a little dumb about this subject because it's complex and I've never understood it. I stopped asking when I heard someone say at a party that people who thought Jews were just a religion were dumb so I stopped inquiring. I wanted to ask, well what else are they? I have a better understanding now.
I'm sorry you felt dumb - it's not straightforward at all. It just doesn't make sense to me that someone who converts to Judaism would be considered "less Jewish" than me by conservative Jews. I grew up with a Christmas tree and an Easter basket every year.
All my life people have told me I “look Jewish.” Mostly Jewish people but sometimes other people too. And I am Jewish - because I converted. I have no Jewish ancestry that I know of (though I’ve never done 23 and Me.) I’m kind of an ordinary white Western European person. With a particular religion.
I think before the advent of DNA on demand, it wasn't an issue, although conservative Jews believe one is only Jewish by blood of the mother. I understand the genesis of that belief because "proof of paternity" didn't exist, but that's been around for a while and the beliefs haven't changed. I always joked that anyone who converted was more Jewish than I was (raised with zero religion). It just doesn't feel right that by virtue of my ancestors I am considered Jewish when I don't ascribe to its teachings.
Has anyone ever mentioned that you baby takes on some of your dna while in the womb?
I adopted my healthy embryos out after I had Lucy. I looked into this all a lot because I didn't want my friend to have nothing ya know? And it turns out, they can absorb a decent amount!! So he definitely has at least yours ❤️❤️
I had heard that some of the baby's DNA is absorbed by the mother, but I hadn't heard that it works vice versa as well. That is really so cool! Thank you for sharing this information with me 🥰🙏
My husband is a "cultural Jew" (i.e. all the holidays, some of the rituals (including a Jewish sleep away camp, and of course, his bar mitzvah)) and I was baptized Catholic. We both took Ancestry last year and his results were not surprising - 99% Ashkenazi. 1% was Iberian or something like that. He's not sure how that got in. My results were not surprising either (a mix of southeastern Chinese and a bit from other regions (central and just plain "eastern" but not as far north as, say, Beijing)). I also have 2% from a non-Han ethnic group that largely settled in places like Laos and northern Vietnam.
I think when a religion doesn't actively go out to convert/proselytize, you DO form a specific ethnic group or groups. This is why you can't really "look Catholic/Anglican/Lutheran." Because we don't have specific "looks." Rather than "looking Catholic," you'd "look Italian" or Mexican, for example. But then again, there are also converts to Judaism. I haven't yet converted, nor has my son. My son, like your son, is donor conceived on both sides. Since he's only six, we have chosen not to test his background, so we really only know from the profile we have (it was an anonymous donation). We tried getting an exact match (we first considered a donor egg and my husband's sperm, but was told that East Asian egg donors are few and far between due to cultural misconceptions about donations), but it didn't work out. Instead, our son is Chinese and "East Coast Canadian" (as she called herself on the profile. Scottish, Irish and some French. Possibly some indigenous in her mix as well).
You mentioned in another reply that your husband had NF1. That's what I have as well and why we decided to go with a donor. We also went with a surrogate.
We have a lot in common in terms of growing our families. Yes, Steven had NF1, I would say mild to moderate (multiple cafe au lait marks and neurofibromas). He had severe ADHD which I think was NF1 related. His doctors told him that his lumps and bumps were always benign, but one of them turned cancerous (soft tissue sarcoma, subtype: mpnst) and that's what he died from. That said, cancer riddled his family, although not specifically soft tissue sarcoma (his mom died in her 40s from cervical cancer). Sorry to turn this into a cancer discussion, but I just want people to know that doctors really failed us.
Many people with NF are neurodivergent, including yours truly. I was diagnosed with ADHD but I also suspect that I may be autistic. So sorry for your loss.
I was going to write that I suspected Steven was also autistic. He was very smart as well. It's so interesting because our son is autistic and gifted, but not genetically related to either one of us. I appreciate your condolences. Fuck cancer.
I’m not sure how old you are, but I’m certainly dating myself when I ask if you remember the Preppy Handbook? I think that’s what Presbyterians look like, but maybe I’m confusing them with Episcopalians 🤣
I see you are a powerful advocate to end the stigmatization of poverty. People do make a lot of assumptions based solely on the way others look and dress, which has only gotten worse since the advent of social media. I try to keep an open mind because we never know what is going on in people’s private lives. As a widow and a mom to a boy on the autism spectrum, I know what it’s like to live with uncertainty.
“What do I believe now? And what do others believe about me?” @Amy Gabrielle those are powerful questions. I agree with you - the deeper we dig, the more enigmatic life becomes.
Never tak n an Ancestry DNA test, but from the little I can gather, I had a great uncle Reuben who was a tailor in the East End of London in the late 1800’
It appears, as usual, that the European Jewry were fleeing pogroms across the Russian state. Some settling in the UK occurred, however many used the UK as a stopping off point before going on to the US. Taking jobs that others wouldn’t, some ended up in the garment trade.
My husband is Jewish and feels similarly I believe. Early in our relationship I was curious about Judaism and not a practicing protestant ;) so we attended a few of High Holy Days services. A Yom Kippur service in Boulder, Colorado was so powerful and meaningful to me I considered converting to Judaism. I'm not kidding when I say I've watched more documentary, lectures etc on Judaism than most Jews. To this date that service in Boulder was the most impressive religious service I've ever attended. My husband is not a "practicing Jew" (but went to Hebrew school, was bar mitzvahed etc), but his Judaism is important to him and is a part of his identity. He is also horrified by what Israel is doing in Gaza. It is complicated. Great piece, Amy.
Thanks so much Susan. That really must have been an amazing Yom Kippur service! It is the holiest day of the Jewish year which is observed, even by Reformed congregations, with strict(ish) fasting and ceremonial repentance - there is some powerful imagery with the opening and closing of the Gates of Repentance during this Day of Atonement. I know there is some joking amongst Jews that we are economical by atoning for all our sins in one day while Catholics do it every Sunday. 🤣 This year it begins Oct 11, 2024 at sundown and ends at nightfall on Oct 12, 2024. I've been to a couple of "break fasts" at sundown which is much more lighthearted with bagels and lox! I'm all about the food 🥰
PS Thanks for three explanation + information. One thing I appreciated about the Jewish day of atonement is it seemed more serious and sincere. The fasting added to that. Growing up Methodist the practice was once a year more or less. I think over is the biggest problems with Christianity is that you can do whatever, ask for forgiveness each Sunday and do the same damn thing the next week. Apologies for the rant
I hear you, the grass is always greener when it comes to religion until you dive into the more conservative rituals, Judaism included. Orthodox Jews separate men and women in synagogue with a curtain or a screen for many events including bar mitzvahs and weddings, to keep the focus on prayer rather than the opposite sex. Also, rants always welcome in my comments, no need for apologies 🥰
Yes! When we were still a part of my husband's family we did that with them. Always great food.I hosted Passover one year (hello everything matzo meal) which I loved doing. With our daughter+fam we celebrated Hanukkahmas/Chrismukkah and I made latkes - had the scraped knuckles and burns to prove it! Lol Kitchen looked like a bomb went off. I enjoy the religious rituals.
Oh no, your poor knuckles! Even with the scapes and kitchen bomb cleanup, I bet the results were worth it. Crispy fried grated potatoes, yes please! Steven was the chef in our household, no my knuckles were always spared. 🥰
Wow, this amazing piece coupled with the comment section have had me absolutely riveted, Amy! It's been a history lesson, a scientific exploration and an existential lens on what compells us to label things, and to what end. (A conversation I just had with some visiting friends, interestingly enough.) I mirror many of dear Constellation's thoughts- the less I seek to put myself or others in a box, the more boundless and free I feel. Alas, we live in a world obsessed with labels. Thank you for such an enriching conversation! 🙌✨️
Hi Kendall, it's so awesome you mention reading the comments because I was thinking they add so much more information and perspective that I may need a part 2 to this post. I'm interested in taking a deeper dive into the implicit Western bias in these direct to consumer DNA tests considering the technology was developed to predict and treat medical conditions rather than trace ancestry. As humans, our DNA is 99.9% identical, but the .01% does account for some benign or (potentially) catastrophic differences.
In terms of Judaism, there is no "Jewish gene", and indeed it is only Ashkenazi Jews whose genes are differentiated this way by some testing companies (as apposed to Sephardic Jews whose ancestry would be broken down by country - Spain, Portugal, The Middle East or Africa, specifically Ethiopia). It's not about religion, but the genetic homogeny as a result of centuries of intermarriage. I'm not sure how relative it will be in a hundred years as many Ashkenazi Jews are marrying outside the "faith" (including my brother who married a Korean American).
I'd be curious to see the ancestral breakdown if my niece and nephew did 23 and me testing. I'm assuming their "Jewish part" would be identified as specifically Ashkenazi because those are the genes which are tested for specific mutations like BRCA and Tay-Sachs. And that's more information for my part 2! 🤣
I can relate to so much of what you write so beautifully here. I'm Jewish and grew up in the Bronx, NY. I was in a conservative family where Judaism was forced down my throat. Today, I am a deeply spiritual person who has given up organized religion.
I've also been told that I don't look Jewish, and it was designed as a compliment, but it was actually an insult. Judaism is a religion, but I think there are ethnic components, such as the culture and food.
My daughter doesn't know her ancestry, other than she is from China. After cancer treatment rendered me infertile, I turned to adoption; at that time China was allowing international adoptions. I was lucky, as I was in one of the last waves of people to go to China for my baby. I've always been honest with her about China's one-child rule and how that affected the adoption community. The realization for her was not always pleasant, and she went through a period where she grieved the fact that she would never know her biological family and a period where she was patriotic to China (after her seeing all the mess in the U.S., I could understand it).
We've talked about the 23 & Me test, but neither of us is very curious, so for now, it's a no.
You’ve had quite the journey with Judaism. I know I would be very different if I had rebelled against religion instead of just being brought by an atheist. I think that’s where a lot of personal growth happens, and identity is formed, in the choosing what you want to believe. I never really chose, and maybe that’s why I’m discovering so much about myself now. I was pretty immeshed with my mother, and then when I dared to get married she pretty much shut me out. Then Steven became my person, but when he died I had no one. In some ways I still feel only partly formed. It’s scary and freeing at the same time.
My son isn’t adopted, but genetically he is different. He has not expressed an interest in learning who his blood relatives are (the closest is a first cousin once removed), but one day he may want to know more. I’ll support him either way, but I do worry about who the heck these people may be. I’m a skeptical New Yorker, Henry even more so than me 🤣.
I think you look American, where we don’t define ourselves by the ancient past.
P.s. I did a spit test and it came out pure vanilla from northwestern Europe, Scotland. But I also signed up for the free genealogy service the LDS provides, Family Tree. I put in a few genealogy facts I know and every few months, the family tree is more complete. I’m not LDS, but they are certainly diligent genealogists. I picture a little old, white hair in a bun church lady searching through huge, dusty old volumes and filling in my family tree in a bunker somewhere in SLC. She traced one line clear back to G_d, and since all the records say whether the person is alive or deceased, it shows Him as deceased. Must be a flaw in the church software.
They also have a feature that shows all the famous people you are related to, in a 7th cousin 12 times removed kind of way. Some of mine included Marie Antoinette, Orville and Wilbur Wright, Marilyn Monroe, and the cousin I’m most proud of, the guy who invented the car odometer. Sure, it’s not as flashy as the guy who invented the car speedometer or check engine light, but it’s still something.
Oh yes, LDS (Episcopalians) and the Lutherans are both excellent record keepers and thus a wonderful resource for genealogists - they had to be in order to prevent inbreeding.
I relate! Ancestry.com says I'm 100% European Jew (I probably don't look it either). I don't identity as Jewish in the religious sense but I find a lot of people conflate the religion and ethnicity and I wish they wouldn't. Thank you for this insightful piece. ❤️
Thank you Bonnie! I was beginning to wonder if it was only me. I suppose before DNA testing became so accessible it wasn’t that big of a question: religion or ethnicity. However, I never expected to be identified as Jewish in my DNA. Then I got paranoid, and looked up the founder of 23 and me to make sure they weren’t linked to neo Nazis. The founder is half Jewish half Catholic, but I still found my results unsettling.
I think it's because, as far as I know, Judaism is the only "ethno-religion." So there are a lot of assumptions that come with it. I don't really understand why it would be both.
“Ashkenaz” is one of the most disputed Biblical placenames. It appears in the Hebrew Bible as the name of one of Noah's descendants (Genesis 10:3) and as a reference to the kingdom of Ashkenaz, prophesied to be called together with Ararat and Minnai to wage war against Babylon (Jeremiah 51:27). In addition to tracing AJs to the ancient Iranian lands of Ashkenaz and uncovering the villages whose names may derive from “Ashkenaz,” the partial Iranian origin of AJs, inferred by Das et al. was further supported by the genetic similarity of AJs to Sephardic Mountain Jews and Iranian Jews as well as their similarity to Near Eastern populations and simulated “native” Turkish and Caucasus populations.
Here's the full article:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5478715/
But I still think it's a stretch to say Ashkenaz was a place therefore people connected through DNA are Ashkenazi Jews.
I suspect Amish might qualify as an ethnic-religion.
I wonder if it does? From what I've learned, many of these DNA tests were developed specifically to test for known gene mutations (causing severe birth defects) within the Ashkenazi community, like Tay Sachs. Many Jewish couples get genetic testing (specifically something called the Jewish Panel) before becoming pregnant. If both partners test positive for certain mutations there is a 100% chance the baby will be effected. If that's the case, genetic "bots" can be created to test embryos after IVF. I actually went through this with Steven because he had a neurological disorder, NF1, which we didn't want to pass down to any children we might have. We only got two embryos that were negative for NF1 and that transfer didn't work, so we moved on to donors.
I know there is a statistically high incidence of dwarfism among some Old Order Amish, but a quick check of Wiki led me to this:
“ Health among the Amish is characterized by higher incidences of particular genetic disorders, especially among the Old Order Amish. These disorders include dwarfism,[1] Angelman syndrome,[2] and various metabolic disorders, such as Tay-Sachs disease,[3] as well as an unusual distribution of blood types.[4]
And when I lived in Azerbaijan, there was a remote exclave surrounded by Armenian, Turkey, and Iran, all more or less belligerent, especially Armenian.
We were the only international organization working there and discovered a high incidence of strabismus and even cataracts among kids. Also, marriage among second cousins was common and the population of the region was small.
That would be the result of inbreeding, but much closer than second cousins. I think the laws have even been changed in the US so that first cousins can marry, although don't quote me. I think the more serious genetic mutations happen with the offspring of brothers and sisters and fathers and daughters. I know, it's awful to think about.
Nicely written. I have a better understanding now thanks to you.
You are welcome Nancy 🥰. It's confusing because I think of DNA and science as right or wrong, true or false. I'm beginning to understand that even within a scientific setting, definitions and categories are created by humans and therefore not unbiased.
I love how you weave the personal with the historical here. ❤️
I still need to take a 23 & Me test, but I learned back in 2020 that my paternal grandmother was a Russian Jew. I just figured out today how to incorporate her silence into my memoir!
I'm curious to see what my DNA says about where my ancestors came from. I only know that they escaped an internment camp in the early 1900s and landed in Maryland.
I have never been told I look Jewish, but have been told I look Hispanic, Italian, French. I always get fascinated by that.
I wonder if your Grandmother was Ashkenazi or Sephardic, and if the latter, is that reported on a DNA test? Ashkenaz was a man and a place (modern day Iran) in the Bible (Old Testament), but does that make people who are genetically related from that place Ashkenazi (Jewish)? Many of these DNA tests were designed to test for specific diseases seen only in the Ashkenazi Jewish community, like Tay Sachs. I think identity is just more complicated since the advent of DNA testing on demand. Ironic because these tests were also meant to give clarity about our geographic origins.
Amy!!! This is the most I have learned ALL week and I am eyebrows deep in grad school homework. Thank you so much for breaking down your own personal feelings, mixed with history- like Mesa says. <3
23 & Me tells me that I am Ashkenazi Jew (around 25% I think) and I really have not known what that has meant or the land being Iranian. Thank you, AGAIN, for sharing such tender information and making me feel better seen and understood.
I love you. ♥️
I love you too K! Ashkenaz is mentioned in the Old Testament, but most Ashkenazi Jews can trace their heritage back to Eastern Europe. Sephardic Jews trace back to the Iberian Peninsula (Spain and Portugal), the Middle East, and Africa (Ethiopia).
oh my WORD!! You are blowing my Ashkenazi MIND right now!! Thank you for all this new info.
Interesting, Mesa. I’m so glad you are bringing your ancestors voices along!
Thanks, Amy. I've always felt a little dumb about this subject because it's complex and I've never understood it. I stopped asking when I heard someone say at a party that people who thought Jews were just a religion were dumb so I stopped inquiring. I wanted to ask, well what else are they? I have a better understanding now.
I'm sorry you felt dumb - it's not straightforward at all. It just doesn't make sense to me that someone who converts to Judaism would be considered "less Jewish" than me by conservative Jews. I grew up with a Christmas tree and an Easter basket every year.
That is an excellent and funny point😀
All my life people have told me I “look Jewish.” Mostly Jewish people but sometimes other people too. And I am Jewish - because I converted. I have no Jewish ancestry that I know of (though I’ve never done 23 and Me.) I’m kind of an ordinary white Western European person. With a particular religion.
I think before the advent of DNA on demand, it wasn't an issue, although conservative Jews believe one is only Jewish by blood of the mother. I understand the genesis of that belief because "proof of paternity" didn't exist, but that's been around for a while and the beliefs haven't changed. I always joked that anyone who converted was more Jewish than I was (raised with zero religion). It just doesn't feel right that by virtue of my ancestors I am considered Jewish when I don't ascribe to its teachings.
Has anyone ever mentioned that you baby takes on some of your dna while in the womb?
I adopted my healthy embryos out after I had Lucy. I looked into this all a lot because I didn't want my friend to have nothing ya know? And it turns out, they can absorb a decent amount!! So he definitely has at least yours ❤️❤️
I had heard that some of the baby's DNA is absorbed by the mother, but I hadn't heard that it works vice versa as well. That is really so cool! Thank you for sharing this information with me 🥰🙏
“Beyond my DNA lies my humanity.” Such a beautiful, beautiful and deeply profound line.
Thank you so much Cici 🥰❤️.
Thank you for this.
You are very welcome 🥰
My husband is a "cultural Jew" (i.e. all the holidays, some of the rituals (including a Jewish sleep away camp, and of course, his bar mitzvah)) and I was baptized Catholic. We both took Ancestry last year and his results were not surprising - 99% Ashkenazi. 1% was Iberian or something like that. He's not sure how that got in. My results were not surprising either (a mix of southeastern Chinese and a bit from other regions (central and just plain "eastern" but not as far north as, say, Beijing)). I also have 2% from a non-Han ethnic group that largely settled in places like Laos and northern Vietnam.
I think when a religion doesn't actively go out to convert/proselytize, you DO form a specific ethnic group or groups. This is why you can't really "look Catholic/Anglican/Lutheran." Because we don't have specific "looks." Rather than "looking Catholic," you'd "look Italian" or Mexican, for example. But then again, there are also converts to Judaism. I haven't yet converted, nor has my son. My son, like your son, is donor conceived on both sides. Since he's only six, we have chosen not to test his background, so we really only know from the profile we have (it was an anonymous donation). We tried getting an exact match (we first considered a donor egg and my husband's sperm, but was told that East Asian egg donors are few and far between due to cultural misconceptions about donations), but it didn't work out. Instead, our son is Chinese and "East Coast Canadian" (as she called herself on the profile. Scottish, Irish and some French. Possibly some indigenous in her mix as well).
You mentioned in another reply that your husband had NF1. That's what I have as well and why we decided to go with a donor. We also went with a surrogate.
We have a lot in common in terms of growing our families. Yes, Steven had NF1, I would say mild to moderate (multiple cafe au lait marks and neurofibromas). He had severe ADHD which I think was NF1 related. His doctors told him that his lumps and bumps were always benign, but one of them turned cancerous (soft tissue sarcoma, subtype: mpnst) and that's what he died from. That said, cancer riddled his family, although not specifically soft tissue sarcoma (his mom died in her 40s from cervical cancer). Sorry to turn this into a cancer discussion, but I just want people to know that doctors really failed us.
Many people with NF are neurodivergent, including yours truly. I was diagnosed with ADHD but I also suspect that I may be autistic. So sorry for your loss.
I was going to write that I suspected Steven was also autistic. He was very smart as well. It's so interesting because our son is autistic and gifted, but not genetically related to either one of us. I appreciate your condolences. Fuck cancer.
I continue to try to understand how someone could “look Jewish” — can you “look Presbyterian”?
I’m not sure how old you are, but I’m certainly dating myself when I ask if you remember the Preppy Handbook? I think that’s what Presbyterians look like, but maybe I’m confusing them with Episcopalians 🤣
I know it exists but never read it because I was poor.
I see you are a powerful advocate to end the stigmatization of poverty. People do make a lot of assumptions based solely on the way others look and dress, which has only gotten worse since the advent of social media. I try to keep an open mind because we never know what is going on in people’s private lives. As a widow and a mom to a boy on the autism spectrum, I know what it’s like to live with uncertainty.
“What do I believe now? And what do others believe about me?” @Amy Gabrielle those are powerful questions. I agree with you - the deeper we dig, the more enigmatic life becomes.
That is so true! I went into this DNA testing with questions and came out with my questions rather than answers.
^ more questions
Never tak n an Ancestry DNA test, but from the little I can gather, I had a great uncle Reuben who was a tailor in the East End of London in the late 1800’
Many Jews were in the garment business, including tailoring, although I don't know much of their history in the UK.
It appears, as usual, that the European Jewry were fleeing pogroms across the Russian state. Some settling in the UK occurred, however many used the UK as a stopping off point before going on to the US. Taking jobs that others wouldn’t, some ended up in the garment trade.
My husband is Jewish and feels similarly I believe. Early in our relationship I was curious about Judaism and not a practicing protestant ;) so we attended a few of High Holy Days services. A Yom Kippur service in Boulder, Colorado was so powerful and meaningful to me I considered converting to Judaism. I'm not kidding when I say I've watched more documentary, lectures etc on Judaism than most Jews. To this date that service in Boulder was the most impressive religious service I've ever attended. My husband is not a "practicing Jew" (but went to Hebrew school, was bar mitzvahed etc), but his Judaism is important to him and is a part of his identity. He is also horrified by what Israel is doing in Gaza. It is complicated. Great piece, Amy.
Thanks so much Susan. That really must have been an amazing Yom Kippur service! It is the holiest day of the Jewish year which is observed, even by Reformed congregations, with strict(ish) fasting and ceremonial repentance - there is some powerful imagery with the opening and closing of the Gates of Repentance during this Day of Atonement. I know there is some joking amongst Jews that we are economical by atoning for all our sins in one day while Catholics do it every Sunday. 🤣 This year it begins Oct 11, 2024 at sundown and ends at nightfall on Oct 12, 2024. I've been to a couple of "break fasts" at sundown which is much more lighthearted with bagels and lox! I'm all about the food 🥰
PS Thanks for three explanation + information. One thing I appreciated about the Jewish day of atonement is it seemed more serious and sincere. The fasting added to that. Growing up Methodist the practice was once a year more or less. I think over is the biggest problems with Christianity is that you can do whatever, ask for forgiveness each Sunday and do the same damn thing the next week. Apologies for the rant
I hear you, the grass is always greener when it comes to religion until you dive into the more conservative rituals, Judaism included. Orthodox Jews separate men and women in synagogue with a curtain or a screen for many events including bar mitzvahs and weddings, to keep the focus on prayer rather than the opposite sex. Also, rants always welcome in my comments, no need for apologies 🥰
Yes! When we were still a part of my husband's family we did that with them. Always great food.I hosted Passover one year (hello everything matzo meal) which I loved doing. With our daughter+fam we celebrated Hanukkahmas/Chrismukkah and I made latkes - had the scraped knuckles and burns to prove it! Lol Kitchen looked like a bomb went off. I enjoy the religious rituals.
Oh no, your poor knuckles! Even with the scapes and kitchen bomb cleanup, I bet the results were worth it. Crispy fried grated potatoes, yes please! Steven was the chef in our household, no my knuckles were always spared. 🥰
Wow, this amazing piece coupled with the comment section have had me absolutely riveted, Amy! It's been a history lesson, a scientific exploration and an existential lens on what compells us to label things, and to what end. (A conversation I just had with some visiting friends, interestingly enough.) I mirror many of dear Constellation's thoughts- the less I seek to put myself or others in a box, the more boundless and free I feel. Alas, we live in a world obsessed with labels. Thank you for such an enriching conversation! 🙌✨️
Hi Kendall, it's so awesome you mention reading the comments because I was thinking they add so much more information and perspective that I may need a part 2 to this post. I'm interested in taking a deeper dive into the implicit Western bias in these direct to consumer DNA tests considering the technology was developed to predict and treat medical conditions rather than trace ancestry. As humans, our DNA is 99.9% identical, but the .01% does account for some benign or (potentially) catastrophic differences.
In terms of Judaism, there is no "Jewish gene", and indeed it is only Ashkenazi Jews whose genes are differentiated this way by some testing companies (as apposed to Sephardic Jews whose ancestry would be broken down by country - Spain, Portugal, The Middle East or Africa, specifically Ethiopia). It's not about religion, but the genetic homogeny as a result of centuries of intermarriage. I'm not sure how relative it will be in a hundred years as many Ashkenazi Jews are marrying outside the "faith" (including my brother who married a Korean American).
I'd be curious to see the ancestral breakdown if my niece and nephew did 23 and me testing. I'm assuming their "Jewish part" would be identified as specifically Ashkenazi because those are the genes which are tested for specific mutations like BRCA and Tay-Sachs. And that's more information for my part 2! 🤣
Hi Amy,
I can relate to so much of what you write so beautifully here. I'm Jewish and grew up in the Bronx, NY. I was in a conservative family where Judaism was forced down my throat. Today, I am a deeply spiritual person who has given up organized religion.
I've also been told that I don't look Jewish, and it was designed as a compliment, but it was actually an insult. Judaism is a religion, but I think there are ethnic components, such as the culture and food.
My daughter doesn't know her ancestry, other than she is from China. After cancer treatment rendered me infertile, I turned to adoption; at that time China was allowing international adoptions. I was lucky, as I was in one of the last waves of people to go to China for my baby. I've always been honest with her about China's one-child rule and how that affected the adoption community. The realization for her was not always pleasant, and she went through a period where she grieved the fact that she would never know her biological family and a period where she was patriotic to China (after her seeing all the mess in the U.S., I could understand it).
We've talked about the 23 & Me test, but neither of us is very curious, so for now, it's a no.
You’ve had quite the journey with Judaism. I know I would be very different if I had rebelled against religion instead of just being brought by an atheist. I think that’s where a lot of personal growth happens, and identity is formed, in the choosing what you want to believe. I never really chose, and maybe that’s why I’m discovering so much about myself now. I was pretty immeshed with my mother, and then when I dared to get married she pretty much shut me out. Then Steven became my person, but when he died I had no one. In some ways I still feel only partly formed. It’s scary and freeing at the same time.
My son isn’t adopted, but genetically he is different. He has not expressed an interest in learning who his blood relatives are (the closest is a first cousin once removed), but one day he may want to know more. I’ll support him either way, but I do worry about who the heck these people may be. I’m a skeptical New Yorker, Henry even more so than me 🤣.
I think you look American, where we don’t define ourselves by the ancient past.
P.s. I did a spit test and it came out pure vanilla from northwestern Europe, Scotland. But I also signed up for the free genealogy service the LDS provides, Family Tree. I put in a few genealogy facts I know and every few months, the family tree is more complete. I’m not LDS, but they are certainly diligent genealogists. I picture a little old, white hair in a bun church lady searching through huge, dusty old volumes and filling in my family tree in a bunker somewhere in SLC. She traced one line clear back to G_d, and since all the records say whether the person is alive or deceased, it shows Him as deceased. Must be a flaw in the church software.
They also have a feature that shows all the famous people you are related to, in a 7th cousin 12 times removed kind of way. Some of mine included Marie Antoinette, Orville and Wilbur Wright, Marilyn Monroe, and the cousin I’m most proud of, the guy who invented the car odometer. Sure, it’s not as flashy as the guy who invented the car speedometer or check engine light, but it’s still something.
Oh yes, LDS (Episcopalians) and the Lutherans are both excellent record keepers and thus a wonderful resource for genealogists - they had to be in order to prevent inbreeding.