In a word (or two), you're a FUCKING genius. So grateful for your bounty of rage and the way you express it. Amy, you are an inspiration to me, every time I read you. xo
Amy, this essay is searing, and I want to begin by saying thank you—for your clarity, your unapologetic voice, and your refusal to sugarcoat the systemic rot that’s been allowed to metastasize in plain sight. Your anger is not only justified—it’s urgently needed.
Reading this from Germany, I find myself deeply aligned with your analysis—and equally alarmed by how global the patterns have become.
Here, sex work is legal on paper but remains heavily surveilled, stigmatized, and manipulated by policy. Protection laws are often doublespeak: our “Prostituiertenschutzgesetz” from 2017 did little to protect and much to control. Consent, autonomy, and safety are still not the lens through which lawmakers operate—neither for sex workers nor for trans people, migrants, or anyone who refuses to conform to the dominant moral script.
And while we just had one of the most progressive moments in our legal history—passing a landmark Self-Determination Act that affirms gender identity with less bureaucratic violence—we are already watching it unravel. Our new so-called “Christian-Conservative” government, led by a chancellor from the CDU with participation from the Social Democrats, is openly threatening to dismantle this newly won law. His Minister of the Interior is pushing back against asylum protections, queer rights, and basic bodily autonomy. So even here, in supposedly progressive Europe, rights are never permanent—they are always contingent, always under siege, especially when morality is weaponized.
What you write about the bipartisan betrayal in the U.S. resonates deeply. We have our own Kamala Harrises—liberal figureheads who sign off on surveillance, restrictive migration policies, and punitive sex work legislation under the guise of modern governance. And just like in the U.S., white feminism too often allies itself with carceral logic and respectability politics, abandoning those most targeted.
Your warning is clear: when we fail to protect those most criminalized and marginalized—sex workers, trans people, migrants—we build the scaffolding of our own suppression. That’s true whether it’s Project 2025 or Fortress Europe.
So yes. Your exhaustion is real. Your fire is vital. And your voice is heard far beyond U.S. borders.
Jay, I am so grateful for you. I truly appreciate the time you took to explain the political climate in Germany, which sounds like three steps forward and two back. You are so smart, and write such a clear and cohesive analysis. I always look forward reading your thoughts about any given topic, but especially the ones involving people with less agency. My main frustration lies with people who live under oppression but fail to see it happening to other groups. It's maddening because if feels like to make myself heard I have to play the victim when I'm really trying to advocate for others' rights.
Amy, thank you for naming that ache so many of us carry—the heartbreak of watching people who know oppression intimately still turn away when it happens to others. That tension between advocacy and perceived victimhood is so real. It’s exhausting to have to bleed visibly to be believed, when all you’re really doing is holding up a mirror for collective liberation.
From a psychological and systemic lens, a few dynamics may help explain why many marginalized people don’t act in solidarity—and why some even reinforce the very structures that harm them:
1. Internalized Oppression and Role Splitting
Oppression doesn’t just push people down—it fragments them. Many learn to survive by identifying with the values of those in power. This is sometimes called “identification with the aggressor”—a trauma response where people mimic oppressive behaviors to avoid further marginalization.
For example:
A cisgender woman of color may distance herself from trans women to “protect” her proximity to social acceptance.
A queer immigrant may internalize nationalist values in order to gain perceived legitimacy.
These roles feel safer than being targeted—and the system rewards those who uphold its norms.
2. Scarcity Conditioning and Comparative Suffering
Oppression thrives on artificial scarcity. Systems of dominance (white supremacy, patriarchy, capitalism) teach us there's only so much empathy, visibility, or “space at the table.”
This creates what Audre Lorde called "the master's tools”:
People are pitted against each other in pain Olympics ("my oppression is worse than yours").
Some become gatekeepers of legitimacy within their own communities.
The result: we’re so busy negotiating for a crumb that we forget we could bake a different kind of bread entirely—together.
3. Survival Hierarchies and Moral Distancing
When under pressure, people often cling to respectability politics—the idea that if they behave well enough, they’ll be spared. This can lead to the exclusion of those deemed “too radical,” “too queer,” “too dirty,” or “too much.”
Marginalized folks sometimes seek safety by distancing themselves from the “lowest” rung—often sex workers, migrants, or trans people. It’s not true safety, of course. Just temporarily delayed targeting.
4. Fatigue and Trauma-Induced Tunnel Vision
Living under oppression drains capacity. Not everyone has the nervous system space to look beyond their immediate struggle. When survival is the priority, empathy can collapse into exhaustion.
That doesn’t excuse apathy—but it helps explain why some people seem indifferent: they’re barely holding themselves together.
In the end, solidarity isn’t automatic—it’s a learned, chosen, and practiced ethic. That’s what your writing models so beautifully. You speak not as a victim but from a place of fierce presence and shared responsibility. That difference matters.
And the more we name these fractures with honesty and care, the more chance we have to bridge them—not through guilt, but through vision.
—Jay
(walking beside you, always, in the wild terrain of truth and justice)
Having grown up in Vegas, I was exposed to sex workers at a very young age, and in my teen years my grandma likened me to one because of how I dressed - good times there. A few friends of mine went into high end (and high paying) "escort" work right out of high school. Two of them making well into the 6 figures. In Vegas, it seemed normal for women. The illegality of it always bothered me. The idea that women shouldn't be paid for using their bodies, unless it was to strip - look but don't touch. It's absurd.
I have never understood why women's bodies equated to criminality.
Thank you so much Mesa! I really appreciate your perspective as someone who grew up in Las Vegas. I grew up believing that all sex workers were victims in need of rescuing rather than people deserving of rights the same as workers in any other industry. I believed that the adult industry was inherently violent against women rather than understanding that stigmatization (and in some ways criminalization) makes it easier to treat sex workers viciously without repercussions. Now that I know better I feel I have to do better. I truly feel like I have to stand up and educate other liberal women about their internalized misogyny. I just become disheartened when it feels like I'm writing about the same shit over and over. I love you! XO 🥰❤️
Thank you Betsy! I know my tone was harsh, mostly because I've felt ineffectual. I'm still working on that fine line between losing my shit and passionately arguing my case. I appreciate your generous comment.
Thank you so much Allison! You are the first (and only) person to appreciate my Watson reference. Your comment put a huge smile on my face this morning. Yay 🎉🥰
I feel this so completely. I was raised by a Chicana feminist who marched with her three kids in the 1960s against injustice and sexism and racism (and continued all her life). I miss her terribly but am so very grateful she didn't live to see this national nightmare.
I've been saying for so fucking long that those who are anti-abortion are really anti-women-having-sex unless it's for reproduction. We childless women who "fornicate" for pleasure are the enemy. They only use the bible references to give their hatred and fear validity to their followers.
Thank you so much Jennifer for your supportive comment! I agree with everything you wrote, and I echo the sentiment that I'm glad my mother didn't live to see Roe overturned and a second Trump presidency (although I do miss her). Your mom sounds like a badass who was way ahead of her time. It's overwhelming at times just how much ground we've lost. I really do appreciate your perspective
Brilliant analysis. Points to how systemic brainwashing happens. And society’s focus on women in the sex industry is the same as in the abortion front. Where’s the witch-hunt/responsibility for the men?!
Thank you so much Leslie for this generous comment! I totally agree with you. From an early age we focus on teaching girls how to "stay safe" from boys and men rather than teaching boys not to commit violence against girls and women.
Amy, there are so many great comments here that I don’t know how much I can add, except to thank you for this clear-eyed and angry piece. There’s so much internalized misogyny that it’s hard to even delineate its edges. So insidious. Sending love and gratitude.🙏💕❤️
Thank you so much Mary for these kind words. I've been thinking about you a lot and wondering how you are doing. I've been in a bit of a slump (unless I'm pissed off and then I become quite animated). Steven died at the end of August and now summer feels like a griefy season to me. Sending you a warm hug from sweltering NYC where it's going up to almost 90 degrees today. XO 🥰❤️🥰❤️
Amy, anniversaries are hard. I’m just learning how painful they can be. I’ve been thinking about you, too. Grief season for me is in April. In Minnesota, that’s four seasons packed into 30 days. August presents other challenges. 90 degrees: oof. DM me anytime. Big hugs to you. 💕🫶
This was a difficult read, Ms. Gabrielle, because you described a nightmare. I wish this essay had the effect of hitting a jackass between the eyes with a two-by-four. Unfortunately, everyone you are trying to reach has their heads so far up someone's backside that they cannot see what is going on and hear common sense.
I actually gave a talk at an international medical conference on caring for patients who do sex work. Including laying out the distinction between criminalization, decriminalization and legalization. I also explained the difference between volitional sex work and human trafficking. The talk was very well received.
I published a companion article on the topic called “The Girlfriend Experience.” I find it distasteful when others drop links to their own writing in my comments section but I invite you to have a look.
I liked your article, and you provide many wonderful resources. I think what many heterosexual women fail to understand is that most sex with men, even within (especially within?) a marriage is transactional. It’s infuriating to see women think their so much better than sex workers, when we are all slaves to late stage capitalism and patriarchy which demonizes women’s sexuality. It’s totally fine for men to make money off of women’s sexuality, but got forbid she use it for her own gain.
People get so mad at me for saying that, and both men and women always tell me about their wonderfully equal relationships. Here’s the thing, within a patriarchal society men have more agency then women, so it can never be equal on systemic level. Women make less money than men over their lifetimes (statistically) and lose status in the workplace when they have children.
Amy, that rage was well aimed and I hear you, I’m sitting up, and paying attention. You crystallized so well this erosion of rights that affects ALL women regardless of background and therefore we should all care. We can’t say you didn’t try to educate us & warn us!
Thank you so much Amy! I wish more women were curious about their attitudes toward sex and sexuality. We are taught to be the "sexual gatekeepers" and if we don't act and dress "modestly" then we are to blame for any violence perpetrated against us. It's all a lie to justify male aggression rather than holding them to a higher standard (still far below the bar set for women).
Brilliant, Amy! the whole if it’s not happening to me it’s not happening and the refusal to see protecting sex workers rights and humanity is so damn exhausting.
In a word (or two), you're a FUCKING genius. So grateful for your bounty of rage and the way you express it. Amy, you are an inspiration to me, every time I read you. xo
Nan, thank you for this comment! I felt it leaned into "rant" territory, but I was just so mad, I didn't care.
I like the rant when it comes from you. You're pretty brilliant about it. xo
Amy, this essay is searing, and I want to begin by saying thank you—for your clarity, your unapologetic voice, and your refusal to sugarcoat the systemic rot that’s been allowed to metastasize in plain sight. Your anger is not only justified—it’s urgently needed.
Reading this from Germany, I find myself deeply aligned with your analysis—and equally alarmed by how global the patterns have become.
Here, sex work is legal on paper but remains heavily surveilled, stigmatized, and manipulated by policy. Protection laws are often doublespeak: our “Prostituiertenschutzgesetz” from 2017 did little to protect and much to control. Consent, autonomy, and safety are still not the lens through which lawmakers operate—neither for sex workers nor for trans people, migrants, or anyone who refuses to conform to the dominant moral script.
And while we just had one of the most progressive moments in our legal history—passing a landmark Self-Determination Act that affirms gender identity with less bureaucratic violence—we are already watching it unravel. Our new so-called “Christian-Conservative” government, led by a chancellor from the CDU with participation from the Social Democrats, is openly threatening to dismantle this newly won law. His Minister of the Interior is pushing back against asylum protections, queer rights, and basic bodily autonomy. So even here, in supposedly progressive Europe, rights are never permanent—they are always contingent, always under siege, especially when morality is weaponized.
What you write about the bipartisan betrayal in the U.S. resonates deeply. We have our own Kamala Harrises—liberal figureheads who sign off on surveillance, restrictive migration policies, and punitive sex work legislation under the guise of modern governance. And just like in the U.S., white feminism too often allies itself with carceral logic and respectability politics, abandoning those most targeted.
Your warning is clear: when we fail to protect those most criminalized and marginalized—sex workers, trans people, migrants—we build the scaffolding of our own suppression. That’s true whether it’s Project 2025 or Fortress Europe.
So yes. Your exhaustion is real. Your fire is vital. And your voice is heard far beyond U.S. borders.
Jay, I am so grateful for you. I truly appreciate the time you took to explain the political climate in Germany, which sounds like three steps forward and two back. You are so smart, and write such a clear and cohesive analysis. I always look forward reading your thoughts about any given topic, but especially the ones involving people with less agency. My main frustration lies with people who live under oppression but fail to see it happening to other groups. It's maddening because if feels like to make myself heard I have to play the victim when I'm really trying to advocate for others' rights.
Amy, thank you for naming that ache so many of us carry—the heartbreak of watching people who know oppression intimately still turn away when it happens to others. That tension between advocacy and perceived victimhood is so real. It’s exhausting to have to bleed visibly to be believed, when all you’re really doing is holding up a mirror for collective liberation.
From a psychological and systemic lens, a few dynamics may help explain why many marginalized people don’t act in solidarity—and why some even reinforce the very structures that harm them:
1. Internalized Oppression and Role Splitting
Oppression doesn’t just push people down—it fragments them. Many learn to survive by identifying with the values of those in power. This is sometimes called “identification with the aggressor”—a trauma response where people mimic oppressive behaviors to avoid further marginalization.
For example:
A cisgender woman of color may distance herself from trans women to “protect” her proximity to social acceptance.
A queer immigrant may internalize nationalist values in order to gain perceived legitimacy.
These roles feel safer than being targeted—and the system rewards those who uphold its norms.
2. Scarcity Conditioning and Comparative Suffering
Oppression thrives on artificial scarcity. Systems of dominance (white supremacy, patriarchy, capitalism) teach us there's only so much empathy, visibility, or “space at the table.”
This creates what Audre Lorde called "the master's tools”:
People are pitted against each other in pain Olympics ("my oppression is worse than yours").
Some become gatekeepers of legitimacy within their own communities.
The result: we’re so busy negotiating for a crumb that we forget we could bake a different kind of bread entirely—together.
3. Survival Hierarchies and Moral Distancing
When under pressure, people often cling to respectability politics—the idea that if they behave well enough, they’ll be spared. This can lead to the exclusion of those deemed “too radical,” “too queer,” “too dirty,” or “too much.”
Marginalized folks sometimes seek safety by distancing themselves from the “lowest” rung—often sex workers, migrants, or trans people. It’s not true safety, of course. Just temporarily delayed targeting.
4. Fatigue and Trauma-Induced Tunnel Vision
Living under oppression drains capacity. Not everyone has the nervous system space to look beyond their immediate struggle. When survival is the priority, empathy can collapse into exhaustion.
That doesn’t excuse apathy—but it helps explain why some people seem indifferent: they’re barely holding themselves together.
In the end, solidarity isn’t automatic—it’s a learned, chosen, and practiced ethic. That’s what your writing models so beautifully. You speak not as a victim but from a place of fierce presence and shared responsibility. That difference matters.
And the more we name these fractures with honesty and care, the more chance we have to bridge them—not through guilt, but through vision.
—Jay
(walking beside you, always, in the wild terrain of truth and justice)
Having grown up in Vegas, I was exposed to sex workers at a very young age, and in my teen years my grandma likened me to one because of how I dressed - good times there. A few friends of mine went into high end (and high paying) "escort" work right out of high school. Two of them making well into the 6 figures. In Vegas, it seemed normal for women. The illegality of it always bothered me. The idea that women shouldn't be paid for using their bodies, unless it was to strip - look but don't touch. It's absurd.
I have never understood why women's bodies equated to criminality.
Thank you for speaking up as always. Xoxo
Thank you so much Mesa! I really appreciate your perspective as someone who grew up in Las Vegas. I grew up believing that all sex workers were victims in need of rescuing rather than people deserving of rights the same as workers in any other industry. I believed that the adult industry was inherently violent against women rather than understanding that stigmatization (and in some ways criminalization) makes it easier to treat sex workers viciously without repercussions. Now that I know better I feel I have to do better. I truly feel like I have to stand up and educate other liberal women about their internalized misogyny. I just become disheartened when it feels like I'm writing about the same shit over and over. I love you! XO 🥰❤️
That was one of the more comprehensive, relevant, and excruciatingly well-deserved scoldings I have ever been on the receiving end of. Thank you.
Thank you Betsy! I know my tone was harsh, mostly because I've felt ineffectual. I'm still working on that fine line between losing my shit and passionately arguing my case. I appreciate your generous comment.
“Oh, my dear Watson,”
⬆️. This. This made me laugh and also gave me a sudden urge to stand up and clap. 👏🏼
Thank you for all of this, Amy.
Thank you so much Allison! You are the first (and only) person to appreciate my Watson reference. Your comment put a huge smile on my face this morning. Yay 🎉🥰
I loved it! Smiles all around.
I feel this so completely. I was raised by a Chicana feminist who marched with her three kids in the 1960s against injustice and sexism and racism (and continued all her life). I miss her terribly but am so very grateful she didn't live to see this national nightmare.
I've been saying for so fucking long that those who are anti-abortion are really anti-women-having-sex unless it's for reproduction. We childless women who "fornicate" for pleasure are the enemy. They only use the bible references to give their hatred and fear validity to their followers.
Brava! Keep on spreading the word.
Thank you so much Jennifer for your supportive comment! I agree with everything you wrote, and I echo the sentiment that I'm glad my mother didn't live to see Roe overturned and a second Trump presidency (although I do miss her). Your mom sounds like a badass who was way ahead of her time. It's overwhelming at times just how much ground we've lost. I really do appreciate your perspective
I just turned 64, so I've got a lot of perspective. How could we be back here again? Love your energy and style.
Brilliant analysis. Points to how systemic brainwashing happens. And society’s focus on women in the sex industry is the same as in the abortion front. Where’s the witch-hunt/responsibility for the men?!
Thank you so much Leslie for this generous comment! I totally agree with you. From an early age we focus on teaching girls how to "stay safe" from boys and men rather than teaching boys not to commit violence against girls and women.
This. So much this.
Amy, there are so many great comments here that I don’t know how much I can add, except to thank you for this clear-eyed and angry piece. There’s so much internalized misogyny that it’s hard to even delineate its edges. So insidious. Sending love and gratitude.🙏💕❤️
Thank you so much Mary for these kind words. I've been thinking about you a lot and wondering how you are doing. I've been in a bit of a slump (unless I'm pissed off and then I become quite animated). Steven died at the end of August and now summer feels like a griefy season to me. Sending you a warm hug from sweltering NYC where it's going up to almost 90 degrees today. XO 🥰❤️🥰❤️
Amy, anniversaries are hard. I’m just learning how painful they can be. I’ve been thinking about you, too. Grief season for me is in April. In Minnesota, that’s four seasons packed into 30 days. August presents other challenges. 90 degrees: oof. DM me anytime. Big hugs to you. 💕🫶
This was a difficult read, Ms. Gabrielle, because you described a nightmare. I wish this essay had the effect of hitting a jackass between the eyes with a two-by-four. Unfortunately, everyone you are trying to reach has their heads so far up someone's backside that they cannot see what is going on and hear common sense.
Well said Thomas. Let’s hope for better days and karmic justice.
I actually gave a talk at an international medical conference on caring for patients who do sex work. Including laying out the distinction between criminalization, decriminalization and legalization. I also explained the difference between volitional sex work and human trafficking. The talk was very well received.
I published a companion article on the topic called “The Girlfriend Experience.” I find it distasteful when others drop links to their own writing in my comments section but I invite you to have a look.
I liked your article, and you provide many wonderful resources. I think what many heterosexual women fail to understand is that most sex with men, even within (especially within?) a marriage is transactional. It’s infuriating to see women think their so much better than sex workers, when we are all slaves to late stage capitalism and patriarchy which demonizes women’s sexuality. It’s totally fine for men to make money off of women’s sexuality, but got forbid she use it for her own gain.
People get so mad at me for saying that, and both men and women always tell me about their wonderfully equal relationships. Here’s the thing, within a patriarchal society men have more agency then women, so it can never be equal on systemic level. Women make less money than men over their lifetimes (statistically) and lose status in the workplace when they have children.
It’s only within the last 50 years that women can get credit and bank accounts in their own names. Since this is my post I think it’s okay if I include a link to my own post “Heterosexual Marriage Is A Form Of Sex Work” https://amygabrielle.substack.com/p/is-heterosexual-marriage-a-form-of?r=39usm
Amy, that rage was well aimed and I hear you, I’m sitting up, and paying attention. You crystallized so well this erosion of rights that affects ALL women regardless of background and therefore we should all care. We can’t say you didn’t try to educate us & warn us!
Thank you so much Amy! I wish more women were curious about their attitudes toward sex and sexuality. We are taught to be the "sexual gatekeepers" and if we don't act and dress "modestly" then we are to blame for any violence perpetrated against us. It's all a lie to justify male aggression rather than holding them to a higher standard (still far below the bar set for women).
THANK YOU. Please keep speaking up - we need this.
Thank you Bonnie! Sometimes I just get so pissed off I can't keep quiet anyway 🤣.
So bloody well put, Amy!
Thank you so much Monica!
Brilliant, Amy! the whole if it’s not happening to me it’s not happening and the refusal to see protecting sex workers rights and humanity is so damn exhausting.