I have a special kind of adoration for women who are able to unflinchingly own thier actions/reactions/traumatic responses without shining them up and spinning them in to gold. It gives radical permission to ALL of us to reflect upon our shadows with the same kind of honesty, knowing that calling them into the light will not kill us. No shame, just truth telling. I love you, Amy. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Kendall! I love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️! Thank you for always being so kind and so brave. This was an easy story to write, but not to share. For me, worse than the trauma itself, was the shame and self loathing that I felt for the woman I had become - weak and needy. I hope my story can help people understand that no matter how badass we are, traumatic experiences change us. Not better or worse, but different. Rather than dumping on ourselves for needing more understanding and compassion, let's just give ourselves a break, and get the support we need. You are amazing Kendall, thank you for being so generous with your comments and reflections. You elevate my writing and I'm grateful.
Bonnie!! I've been thinking so much about you and your manuscript! I look up to you as a professional writer and I'm so inspired by all the ways you take care of yourself. I think that officially qualifies you for hero status as well. I love you and I'm so excited for your journey to published author! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Your support means the world to me, as does this comment. Thank you for being here, and being so open about your own experiences with trauma. Healing can happen when we let go of the shame and self loathing that we never deserved in the first place. Keep going, keep learning and teaching through all the hard work you have done to make your life more peaceful.
I've always wondered what it would take to get banned from Tinder, now I know.
Thank you for sharing these posts, Amy.
I can't begin to imagine being so open as to share the good, bad and ugly that comes with living life in the midst of grief. And that you're discovering your. full sense of self.
Thank you so much for this comment Oswald. I've found the best way to slay shame is by getting it out in the open. I don't think that's the answer for everyone, but for me it is an important step in healing unacknowledged trauma. Be well 🥰
Grief and trauma has driven me to do things I never thought I could before - sometimes for the worst, and sometimes I’ve smiled at the result. What I know is our sharing about it as you did here is not just healthy, but normalizing for others. Thanks for being open and vulnerable here.
Hi Don, I'm glad you are here so we can learn from each other. Much of the time we feel like we are the only one experiencing certain emotions, but when we talk about it, we not only release shame but we normalize it.
Trauma sucks. I hope you are able to find someone who knows the difference between trauma and drama. Keep on working on healing because that's what's best for YOU.
The title alone of this post made me laugh out loud. Oh, anyone who's dated after deep loss can empathize here. It should come with a warning, I tell you!
I updated my profile a couple weeks ago with “I’m looking for a man who has been through some shit and has handed it and is ok with what I’ve handed too” Here’s hoping 🤞
I will keep my fingers crossed for you! Please feel free to post updates or dm me how it's going. I'm taking a break from the apps and dating in general. I need to get more clear about what I want to attract. I would love to be in a loving relationship, but I also like having the freedom to do what I want without having to compromise.
It's going to take a highly evolved man to get our attention. I think a lot of men are intimidated by independent women. We don't "need" them, but we want to be with them. I know everyone likes to feel needed to a certain extent, but as widows we've had no choice but to rely on ourselves. I won't ever feel that reliant on another person again, which is simultaneously empowering and heartbreaking.
Anne, you are so cool. Thank you for always seeing the best in me. I've acted crazy in the past, and I probably will do so again in the future, hopefully to a lessor degree! I'm grateful to have you in my corner ❤️🥰.
Good for you Amy. Whoever grabs our hearts need to know they love the all of us … the trauma and the story that shapes who we are … what ever the relationship. Love doesn’t need our defending and it certainly doesn’t require anyone’s attacking. Keep going courageous soul. 💜🙏🏼😇❤️
Thank you Simone. It's so hard to believe that the hurt parts of our souls are worthy of love too. Trauma can feel like a stain on our very being even though it was never our fault. You are beautiful and sensitive and have given me hope for a future beyond self recrimination. I will keep going with your encouragement and support. XO 🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️
Amy, you are honest and brave. Grief does strange things, as does trauma. Oh boy, you think that you have to be the most horrible person in the world for having done that, and then there was that, and you don’t want to get out of bed and face the world , and then - You do. And in doing so, you give others permission to do the same.
I think of all the times I’ve acted badly, and the missed opportunities to make amends. But you didn’t contact the people in his life; you didn’t stalk them, or him. He was a jerk. And banned from a dating app? I’m sure there are millions more who’ve had the same experience. As Kendall said, you’re not spinning your trauma into gold, and you’re setting an example of radical acceptance. Thank you for this. Love you.💕🫶💕
I love you Mary ❤️❤️❤️❤️. Grief, loss and trauma - the gifts that keep on giving! Yes, they do cause us to become reactive in a way we never could have imagined before he died. Early on I thought losing Steven gave me permission to be a jerk. I felt like I lost so much, wasn't I justified to my hurt feelings? Yes, but not at the expense of other people's feelings. I was so ashamed of the woman I had become - vulnerable, gullible, weak and clingy. I had to learn to forgive myself for my bad behavior while at the same time taking ownership of it. Radical acceptance of who I had become and the ways I had changed were key to slaying shame. I am so lucky to have found you. You inspire me to be honest on the page, especially when it's hard. 🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Colin for always seeing me in a good light. I've had my fair share of reactive moments, but thankfully I am handling my emotions more responsibly. I appreciate your kindness and support 🥰
I have a special kind of adoration for women who are able to unflinchingly own thier actions/reactions/traumatic responses without shining them up and spinning them in to gold. It gives radical permission to ALL of us to reflect upon our shadows with the same kind of honesty, knowing that calling them into the light will not kill us. No shame, just truth telling. I love you, Amy. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Kendall! I love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️! Thank you for always being so kind and so brave. This was an easy story to write, but not to share. For me, worse than the trauma itself, was the shame and self loathing that I felt for the woman I had become - weak and needy. I hope my story can help people understand that no matter how badass we are, traumatic experiences change us. Not better or worse, but different. Rather than dumping on ourselves for needing more understanding and compassion, let's just give ourselves a break, and get the support we need. You are amazing Kendall, thank you for being so generous with your comments and reflections. You elevate my writing and I'm grateful.
This is pretty much what I wanted to say, but you just said it perfectly. So...what Kendall said, and, Amy: you are my hero.
Bonnie!! I've been thinking so much about you and your manuscript! I look up to you as a professional writer and I'm so inspired by all the ways you take care of yourself. I think that officially qualifies you for hero status as well. I love you and I'm so excited for your journey to published author! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Inspiring honesty 💝
Thank you so much Shaista! You are such a beautiful person and an exceptional writer. I appreciate your support so much 🥰🥰🥰🥰
You have taught me a lot. Don’t stop asking the hard questions. I’m a better man because of you.
Your support means the world to me, as does this comment. Thank you for being here, and being so open about your own experiences with trauma. Healing can happen when we let go of the shame and self loathing that we never deserved in the first place. Keep going, keep learning and teaching through all the hard work you have done to make your life more peaceful.
I've always wondered what it would take to get banned from Tinder, now I know.
Thank you for sharing these posts, Amy.
I can't begin to imagine being so open as to share the good, bad and ugly that comes with living life in the midst of grief. And that you're discovering your. full sense of self.
Thank you so much for this comment Oswald. I've found the best way to slay shame is by getting it out in the open. I don't think that's the answer for everyone, but for me it is an important step in healing unacknowledged trauma. Be well 🥰
Grief and trauma has driven me to do things I never thought I could before - sometimes for the worst, and sometimes I’ve smiled at the result. What I know is our sharing about it as you did here is not just healthy, but normalizing for others. Thanks for being open and vulnerable here.
Hi Don, I'm glad you are here so we can learn from each other. Much of the time we feel like we are the only one experiencing certain emotions, but when we talk about it, we not only release shame but we normalize it.
Absolutely. 😊
Trauma sucks. I hope you are able to find someone who knows the difference between trauma and drama. Keep on working on healing because that's what's best for YOU.
Thank you for these kind words. I appreciate your support and encouragement 🥰
Once again, your honesty and vulnerability are so inspiring, Amy
Thank you so much Chris! 🥰❤️
The honesty with self in this was powerful Amy.
Also, "But, he knew I was a bad bitch..." is the line of the month for me 🤣✊🏽
Thank you Jamal! I was trying to channel bad bitch energy but I think I called in crazy instead. 🤣🥰
The title alone of this post made me laugh out loud. Oh, anyone who's dated after deep loss can empathize here. It should come with a warning, I tell you!
It should! It was nice meeting you earlier - I look forward to reading your work.
I updated my profile a couple weeks ago with “I’m looking for a man who has been through some shit and has handed it and is ok with what I’ve handed too” Here’s hoping 🤞
I will keep my fingers crossed for you! Please feel free to post updates or dm me how it's going. I'm taking a break from the apps and dating in general. I need to get more clear about what I want to attract. I would love to be in a loving relationship, but I also like having the freedom to do what I want without having to compromise.
That is absolutely how I feel about being a widowed mom- I get to decide everything myself but that is a positive and a negative
It's going to take a highly evolved man to get our attention. I think a lot of men are intimidated by independent women. We don't "need" them, but we want to be with them. I know everyone likes to feel needed to a certain extent, but as widows we've had no choice but to rely on ourselves. I won't ever feel that reliant on another person again, which is simultaneously empowering and heartbreaking.
So much yes!!! That’s EXACTLY it.
Oh, Amy, I am so sorry for the way that idiot stomped on your feelings!! Your trauma response seems perfectly appropriate to me.
Anne, you are so cool. Thank you for always seeing the best in me. I've acted crazy in the past, and I probably will do so again in the future, hopefully to a lessor degree! I'm grateful to have you in my corner ❤️🥰.
Good for you Amy. Whoever grabs our hearts need to know they love the all of us … the trauma and the story that shapes who we are … what ever the relationship. Love doesn’t need our defending and it certainly doesn’t require anyone’s attacking. Keep going courageous soul. 💜🙏🏼😇❤️
Thank you Simone. It's so hard to believe that the hurt parts of our souls are worthy of love too. Trauma can feel like a stain on our very being even though it was never our fault. You are beautiful and sensitive and have given me hope for a future beyond self recrimination. I will keep going with your encouragement and support. XO 🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️
You are a beautiful, kind and funny soul Amy. Thank you 😊
Amy, you are honest and brave. Grief does strange things, as does trauma. Oh boy, you think that you have to be the most horrible person in the world for having done that, and then there was that, and you don’t want to get out of bed and face the world , and then - You do. And in doing so, you give others permission to do the same.
I think of all the times I’ve acted badly, and the missed opportunities to make amends. But you didn’t contact the people in his life; you didn’t stalk them, or him. He was a jerk. And banned from a dating app? I’m sure there are millions more who’ve had the same experience. As Kendall said, you’re not spinning your trauma into gold, and you’re setting an example of radical acceptance. Thank you for this. Love you.💕🫶💕
I love you Mary ❤️❤️❤️❤️. Grief, loss and trauma - the gifts that keep on giving! Yes, they do cause us to become reactive in a way we never could have imagined before he died. Early on I thought losing Steven gave me permission to be a jerk. I felt like I lost so much, wasn't I justified to my hurt feelings? Yes, but not at the expense of other people's feelings. I was so ashamed of the woman I had become - vulnerable, gullible, weak and clingy. I had to learn to forgive myself for my bad behavior while at the same time taking ownership of it. Radical acceptance of who I had become and the ways I had changed were key to slaying shame. I am so lucky to have found you. You inspire me to be honest on the page, especially when it's hard. 🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much Charlotte! You are the best! 🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️
Thank you Colin for always seeing me in a good light. I've had my fair share of reactive moments, but thankfully I am handling my emotions more responsibly. I appreciate your kindness and support 🥰