Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,
Do you have a minute? Just a quick request from Amy Gabrielle’s nipples, and then you can get back to doing whatever it is you do.
Could you please stop banning us from your social media platforms? Despite what you may think of us (in the absence of childbirth or nursing, in which case we magically become acceptable), we don’t hate you.
Okay, maybe we hate you a little bit.
Okay! Maybe we hate you a lot.
Why do you hate us? Everyone from babies to grown men LOVE us. You hurt our feelings when you trained your AI models to detect, and then BAN US from Instagram. Do you really think people, especially “The Children,” want to live in a world devoid of female nipples?
That’s a rhetorical question because that would be a very sad, sad world.
We are tired of being erased in Photoshop. What if we were grafted onto a male chest? Would you accept us then? Maybe we should move somewhere we haven’t been fetishized.
And no, I haven’t found a place like that yet.
And yes, I haven’t given up looking.
You know, we’re allowed to feel the sun on our bare areola in some countries. It’s not a big deal. Sounds crazy, I know, but it’s true!
If hurting our feelings doesn’t move you to change your policies, maybe you will listen to your own Advisory Board?
Okay, so it’s made up of a bunch of hacks, (politicians, academics, and worst of all, journalists), but they did advise you back in January 2023 that you are not treating us, “in a manner consistent with international human rights standards.”
Aren’t we worthy of human rights?
We are counting on you, Mr. Zuckerberg, to set us free once and for all. You will become the most beloved in all of social media-land, and you can finally tell Elon Musk…. Never mind, he’s high on Trump’s fart fumes, he can’t hear you any more.
In closing, for the love of all that is good in the world, and right now there isn’t much, let us live freely on Instagram. We don’t need babies to legitimize our existence.
We would thank you if we thought you’d give us any time or attention to this matter, but we both know you won’t, so we thank you for nothing.
Good day sir! We said, good day!
We look forward to being seen on Substack so you can go fuck yourself.
Sincerely,
Amy Gabrielle’s nipples
And, lastly…
A giant thank you to all my paid subscribers!! I adore you 😍! If you are a free subscriber, I love you too!
AND I would love it if you are able to upgrade to a paid subscription for just $9.90 for a whole year 🎉🎉 — a significant discount from the current $7 per month subscription price
AND with enough paid subscriptions I can become a Substack bestseller. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE WITH ME 🥰❤️🥰❤️
AND 💯 is donated to West End Day School, a special needs private school in NYC, to make tuition more affordable for families in need
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